This is a video of Anberlin playing live in New York City. Do take the time to watch it because these guys are absolutely brilliant. Anberlin are easily my third favorite band. Oh how I wish I was there, though I do get to see them again, December 10th, hells yeah!
Today was a gray sky day. It is snowing and raining outside and I love it.
This is a To Write Love On Her Arms inspired poem of mine. To Write Love On Her Arms is a foundation that helps males and females who are depressed and or self inflicting and seeking help. The foundation was started to help a friend and turned out to be a pretty big deal. Merchandise and books are sold on their websites and any local Hot Topic. The founder, Jamie Tworkowski goes on tours raising awareness for the situation. I am not one to self inflict, this is a message to those who do.
A pretty scar
A puddle of blood
A razor blade
You are thinking
Feels good for a moment
You don’t need this
Not this weight
On your shoulders
Don’t take it out
On your arm
To bleed it out
Yet you are loving
Hating every second
You don’t need this
“All you need is love
Love is all you need” -lyric by The Beatles
LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT
Depression is eating away
At a small, broken, frayed city
Cries for help, fear, and tarnished hope
Dissolving into late night skies
Demons in the walls
Whisper to those who can hear
Are driven to insanity
Gray skies and purple clouds
Hover over poor broken city
The Skies wail
Everyone is washed away
Last words spoken are
“I’ll love you until
my last breath takes you
away from me.”- lyric by Choidos
(Another post I wrote a while ago before I had a blog. Notice that I mention two of the guys from my post “Hot Topic?”)
I usually don’t find it quite so hard to talk to people I don’t know very well if I will myself. There seems to be something about two of the guys at Hot Topic. I stumble over my words, tripping and failing to spit them out, without sounding squeamish. My conversations usually go something like this.
Hot Topic employee: You finding everything alright?
Guy: To Write Love On Her Arms is for a great cause *said in a serious tone*.
Do you see what I mean?! I must seem really shy or anti-social. I mean I could do better than give short answers like Yes, No, Yeah, Uh-huh etc. I must also look like a brat or just plain weird because I beg my mom not to drag me into stores like “Pac Sun” just to look for so stupid uniform pants for school. Stores like “Abercrombie and Fitch” are what I call “annoying high school girl” store, end of story. As it seems I don’t have super mature friends or I just haven’t taken the time to get close to them. So I decide I won’t take them on my mall adventures with my mother and I.
There is a seemingly nice guy I see at Hot Topic with long curly hair he keeps pulled back in a loose, low, ponytail. He is decent looking I don’t have a “crush” on him, I just think of him as attractive. I notice a new employee there. Shoulder length shiny black hair or is it dark brown? He was tall and thin he wore a hat, that bothered me a little. Do I like him? is what I am thinking. I’m not boy crazy am I? Eww, that just sounds gross I’m just a writer telling about one person I like that’s all. Though don’t get me wrong I can go all fan-girl over Gerard, but that’s Gerard Way we are talking about here people!
Another conversation: I’m walking to the cash register ready to pay, I grab a string of Zotz which he notices.
Guy: I found out about these like a week ago.
Me: … (silence)
Guy: They’re pretty cool, thye like explode in your mouth!
Me: I know *half smile*. Oh, I like your shirt. (It has a picture of “Where The Wild Things Are”)
Once he finished scanning my purchases he tell me the total is something like $35.46. I don’t have the 46 cents. I’m crossing my fingers hoping he’ll say oh, it’s okay. He doesn’t so I just ask for him to take out the Zotz. *slaps hand to forehead*
Now this post may be stupid, but I’m bored and I don’t mind posting pictures of my favorite guys in bands. These are my top five!
1. Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance
2. Jared Followill of the Kings Of Leon
3. William Beckett of The Academy Is…
4. Nathan Young of Anberlin (farthest to the left)
5. Last but not least Tyson Ritter of The All-American Rejects
My mom and I have become fans of the Kings Of Leon. Are you familiar with a song called “Sex On Fire”? Check it out because it’s so brutal (awesome)! The lead singer’s voice is stunning, unique, and beautiful. As it seems my mother has bought tickets from Ticket Master so she receives email updates on concerts. We will trade emails saying who we should see next or how we wish we could go. One day I’m checking my email and I see the Kings Of Leon are going to be in town!!! SQUEE!!! This will be absolutely amazing, I’m thinking. I check the ticket price and think, Whoa!! $40.00 dollars?! They have just now gotten more popular with their new album released in September. I was given a copy for my birthday and all I can say is, it’s bloody brilliant! So if you have the money do purchase a wonderful copy! The Kings Of Leon performed on Saturday Night Live so I think they got really big there, gaining a whole lot more fans.
A friend of my mother’s and basically a second mother to me, was interested in going as well. My mom figured she’d pick up the tickets next week at the box office instead of paying extra online. Guess freaking what!!! I just found out the tickets were sold out within minutes!!! *Jaw drops* I’m in shock and I’m really disappointed because I’ll have to wait until there next tour if I’d like to see them. I pull my legs up to my chest, extending my arms around them, then letting my chin drop in my knees like dead weight. In my head a little cartoon man looks up at the sky, arms reaching high above his head screaming “Why!!!!” Poseur fans are what my mother and I are calling those ticket buying bastards. Maybe someday…
What a day. Today was the last day at school before Thanksgiving break *brushes hand against forehead wiping away “sweat”*. I honestly didn’t see the point in having two days of school and the rest of the week as a break if we are only getting an eight day break for Christmas this year. Though the people making the decision are proving they are quite stupid.
I walked into the classroom this morning panicky. Chewing at my lip as always and ignoring most of the “Hi’s” from other kids. Last night I had stressed over the fact that I had chosen to be a “Shop Owner” for our Ellis Island field trip and research. I must have known I would get nervous in front of kids I didn’t like, right? Wrong. I was to caught up in the idea of taking charge. Why must I be so idiotic *thumps head*??? Fortunate for me all we did today was meet with the other “shop owners” going over our paper work. That was easy enough. As most days went I couldn’t stay focused on actually working, maybe I have A.D.D. I love English when I actually get a good lesson or two, though my teacher is a boring ol’ moody women so I get through it without effort. Now days my “self challenging” has vanished. POOF! Gone. I can’t seem to find it, even if I search through every door, room, and shelf in my head. I’ve been working on an English lesson these past two days called “Correlated Conjunctions” sounds pretty easy, eh? All we have to do is use every correlated conjunction pair at least five times and other blah. Once I’m in my writing zone I completely forget about using the right amount of adjective, verbs, nouns etc. I don’t know where to begin, I want to write something creative, strong. A piece of writing charitable enough to win an award! Yet it seems to float below my expectations. That was the only thing I did, all day. Though I did catch up on chatting with my friends giggle-box, shy, and Jonas brothers addict. Yes I have a vivid imagination. I’ll tell them stories on the the spot that I can only think of when they are around. Ah, the things you think of with friends. I told them a tale about Frosty the Snowman climbing through windows and eating small children. Or a little girl who thought her baby brother was a baby doll and killed him on accident, then her baby brother turned in to Chuckie. Insane aren’t I? Yes well, moving on.
I was frantic on the way to gym. When we were actually good in class we could play an occasional game, so I crossed my fingers for luck. I thought we had to do the dreaded workout stations which make me oh, so dizzy and light headed without a sip of ice cold water. Instead we would start on a few exercises with La-scooters. I scrunched my nose. I usually ran over my fingers or was afraid of running into someone. It wasn’t half bad, just my luck. –You know I really don’t have anything to complain about in my life just little things like the “I wants”. Yet, I’m still not satisfied. Some days I go to bed feeling awful or “depressed” for really no reason, just looking at the downside to everything. I guess you could call that “emo”. My mom takes me to concerts, I skip school because I see a movie at midnight, I have loving caring parents etc. What isn’t there to be grateful of? Some days I’m mad at everyone just because I feel like being sh*tty. I don’t know how the hell my parents put up with my crap. I’m weird, mean, bossy, oblivious, ungrateful. I don’t sound like a good person. No matter if I write a letter saying that how grateful I am for everything they do for me, the next day I find something to criticize.– Anyways. After we finished up with those exercises we were finally allowed to play a game. It was one of my favorites fo’ sho’! The game was similar to soccer. Except you stay on your behind on the scooters and kicked a big bouncey exercise/yoga ball. The rules were: 1. you had to stay on your scooters. 2. You could not use your hands only your feet. If coach caught you using your hands you had to do ten push-ups and you were out of the game. 3. Boys against girls. I was one of the main girls kicking like crazy. I scored at least four times and got a lot of “Whoo!”‘s and “Go Phoenixx!”‘s. I found it quite satisfying *said with a smug grin*. I got kicked in the face by an annoying boy named Max. Girls won the game 8-7 (With the help of two of the most athletic boys on our team, but I prefer to say girls.)
I was later called up to the lesson table for a History lesson. I was searching for my black history notebook when my teacher’s voice boomed in “Who am I missing?” in a bossy, impatient, on edge tone. “Me.” I replied glumly and squeamishly. Once I had a seat we were to copy down Follow Up Work. Ms.____ was in a bad mood so when we asked questions the only answer we would get was a “Follow directions!” or “Oh my god.” with the hand covering her face. O’neal a boy in my class who seemed awkward and frequently picked on because of his weight, stumbled to the lesson table. He was serving snack, Rice Crispy treats, and asked, “Um… Ms.____, How many should I give each person?” Wrong question at the wrong time. Ms.___ gives him a killer glare then looks down and shakes her head. “Oh my god.” she says in a rude, moody tone (female teachers). “Proabably one.” whispers my friend, Sarah. “Excuse me!” roars Ms.___ she goes on spiting the next sentence, “Who died and made you queen?!?!” she yells raging eyes and a red face. Sarah looks away. I felt terrible, I had already told my mom she was getting worse and all my mother would say is “Menopause.” UGH is all I could think. Once the lesson is over I sulk over to my table and duck low whispering to Anna and Elena about how rude Ms.___ is. “What a b*tch.” is all I could say. When it comes to cursing I have a potty mouth. When I’m feeling fierce, like a killer ready to attack, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Lashing comments and insults, breaking peoples feelings like twigs. -I’m going insane with this boredom, I swear!- The 6th grade boys go up for the same lesson and now she is all “buddy-buddy”. I’m no fan of ch@t Sp3@ck, but I all I could think was WTF??? GRRRRR… rawr!!!!
An hour before the end of the day on Tuesdays we have computer. I believe I have a good teacher, I just don’t enjoy computer, or most subjects in school in general. Since Thanksgiving is around the corner we had the option to make a little card on the computer so that wasn’t absolutely horrible, just boring.
YAY!! The end of the day at last! I can’t wait to stay up late and do nothing all day tomorrow!!
This video was recorded way back in April this year when I saw My Chemical Romance live. I was browsing YouTube when I found it. I absolutely love this song. This is a live performance of “Helena”again at Memorial Hall. This is NOT my video, credit goes to Tayzer123 on YouTube (THANK YOU for recording this, GAH!!). I WAS THERE AND SANG EVERY WORD. I wish I could relive that night *big sigh*.