“Here we go again”

“And here we go again, with all the things we said and not a minute spent. To think that we’d regret so we just take it back. These words and hold our breath, forget the things we swore we meant.” – Paramore “Here We Go Again”

Today the music teacher is absent. So Mr.”B” is substituting, which means the whole class will take advantage of him. Mr.”B” is a poetry writing, nice, intelligent, old man and doesn’t seem to have the nerve to get the class in his control. So while pens and pencils fly across the room, the radio is turned on, and students bang on instruments.

It started with a Sharpie. I grabbed an orange, Sharpie high-lighter. I drew on my shoe a bit and my friend Robby snatches it from my hand. I tug at the high-lighter, trying loosen his grip; no use. I just sit there as Mr.”B” tries to put cartoons on (Bugs Bunny to be exact.) I see Robby I wait a couple minutes go up to him and snatch the marker right back. My “friend” Sarah sees the marker and says, “I saw it first, Brennen took it away from my so give it here.” I don’t think she noticed I clenched my jaw in frustration. I am so sick of Sarah. One minute I think we are good friends, the next she is calling me a loser, or knifing me in the back by going along with people who are messing with me. So now Sarah grabs the marker and I plead, “Just let me use it for a second.” She smiles at me and says, “X’s.” “What?” I reply. I pondered what she was trying to get at, did she mean like when I go to concerts? Since I’m under 21 if I go to a certain concert venue they mark my hands with X’s, making sure I can’t try to purchase a drink. She murmurs, “Never mind, you aren’t smart enough to understand.” That set me off, yet again I didn’t show the emotion of anger. I’ve learned her tricks. If I tell her off she get mad and tells the whole school about the fight, then she’ll turn everyone against me, lie some more, and then say sorry. I hated this. It took me a minute to understand what I was getting myself into, though I went on. “Sarah, why do you talk like that? Why are you always calling me stupid or a loser?” Robby looked up at us and spoke jokingly, “C’mon guys! Why do we have to fight right now?” I gave him a look and sighed, “Robby.” “Yeah, why are you bringing this up right now so everyone can hear?” Sarah pushes. Isn’t it freaking obvious?! I responded, “Because you just did it a minute ago so I said it now.” “Yeah, but still.” said Sarah. I felt like slapping a hand to my forehead, what kind of answer was “Yeah, but still.”???!!! Sarah said something like, “Well, I was only joking and sorry if you didn’t get it.” I didn’t notice the sorry in there until a few minutes later when she said, “Fine. Then don’t accept my apology.” in that famous attitude of hers. I bulged my eyes and turned around. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you.” and turned to face the TV once more. This seemed like a little thing to get mad over in my book, but she just kept going. “Oh, so you still don’t accept my apology.” I whipped around and said, “FINE. I’M SORRY!” I turned back around and heard her whisper, “B****” Are you kidding me I thought?! I was going crazy and acted upon my first impulse with hatred burning in my eyes. “I heard what you just said.” “You don’t know what I said-” I cut her off. “I know what you said you called me a b****.” “No I didn’t, who are you to tell me what I said?” My heart was pounding now. I was ready to scream right in her face. She’d never seen me like this because I had never let it escape, but it was so on right now. Call me a b****, you’ve crossed the line. “You always get mad at little things like this. And you did to call me a b**** I heard you so stop lying.” I turned around once more huffing like mad, attempting to slow my heart rate. I swear my heart was beating so fast, so hard.

Sarah scooted back in her chair far away from me. I pretended to keep my attention to the TV while I was writing out the whole story in my head. Every so often I would glance around the room. Once I saw Sarah talking to Veronica and Giselle, most likely about me. I didn’t give a damn, I don’t need crappy friends anyway. My fingers were crossed as I hoped they wouldn’t come over and do Sarah’s dirty work. What did I expect? Veronica sat by me for a while, I thought she could be decent enough not to say a word about the argument. Nope. Wrong. She said she hoped Sarah and I would make up. I didn’t reply to that at all.  I was absolutely sure I wouldn’t make up with her, I wanted this to last so she wouldn’t keep coming back, repeating the same patterns. By the time I had looked up again, Sarah was in a corner feeling all sorry for herself. Another one of her tricks. Kids will come over to her and ask, “What’s wrong?’ and she’ll tell them the whole story after she was told me not to say a word about “our business”.

On the way out of music class Veronica tells me, “Sarah wasn’t calling you a b****, she said she was calling herself one.” I was thinking, riiiight (note sarcasm). Instead of saying that I just narrowed my eyes. Once we got back to our classroom Ms.____ was reading. About half way through the end of her reading Sarah passed me a note. It was telling me “how sorry she was and that she was calling herself the b****.” It also told me to circle yes, no, or maybe, if I accepted he apology. I couldn’t believe this. I wanted to circle maybe or no, but instead I said yes. What kind of idiot am I???  So she hands me the notebook on the sly again with another note scribbled on it. Sarah wrote something like, “You are such a good friend if you accepted my apology.” All I was thinking was, Or maybe I’m just a really good liar.

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One Response to “Here we go again”

  1. Hannah says:

    Oh, have I had my fair share of hard-to-deal-with friends. It’s espescially difficult when they think of you as like their best friend but still treat you like shit, and you’re just like “How the hell do I get out of this??!!”. Sorry, just had to vent a bit.

    Now – referring to my comment in “You’ve Got That Seed In You” – I think that this girl Sarah DID deserve it. And what kind of ridiculous comment is “I was calling myself a bitch”??!! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Ugh, I’m sorry for you.

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