April 24, 2009


I wake up to big, thick, curly, brown hair

 It’s fairly long and tangled

 I manage to get it back into pig tales

Or just one ponytail

Yet I am unhappy with my foolish hair

Ever since I was little I’d complain,

“I wish I had straight hair!”

Then I got a little older and thought,

I want it to be long, sleek, and black

Though my desire for straight hair remained

Until finally I figured an odd solution


I wore my annoyingly long, thick, curly, brown hair

in braids (get that straight, no cornrows… blech)

It was rare you’d ever see me wear my mess of hair down

And if I did I knew what they’d all say

She needs to brush her hair! or

Ew, her hair is frizzy!

I cried and fussed over my hair

I’d take a look in the mirror

And wish I was that girl, the girl who had the world

All with the help of her hair and beauty

Just last year I took a risk

And chopped several inches off of my long, thick, curly, brown hair

I felt like a goddess

Finally, something new

Something different

2009 wrapped around the corner and it was time for a trim

Though the woman straightened my hair during the process

I was anxious, curious even

When she finished, I looked in the mirror

And I cried

I felt so odd and out of place

I felt ugly

And I felt like a fake; this wasn’t me

All but one small section of that straight hair vanished

And my curls were back

I started to love those curls

Then the cycle started to repeat its self

Though I didn’t necessarily want straight or long hair

Just something less curly or a big messy bob

I told people,

“I wish I could just take scissors and chop away these curls.”

They laughed

At what I said and others laughed at my “tangled” curls

I was getting so sick and tired of people telling me to brush my hair

What they don’t understand is, if you brush ethnic hair 24/7

It is nothing more than hideous fuzz

One day I pleaded to my mother to cut my hair

But really, it was just a thought that wasn’t going to happen…

Quite yet

I look in the mirror, frustrated thinking,

Why am I stuck with these curls?

AP Tour

April 18, 2009

Band line up: A Rocket to the Moon, Hit the Lights, the Maine, 3OH!3, Family Force 5

I arrive back at my favorite concert venue, The Beaumont. The same place I have seen some of my favorite bands. The All-American Rejects being the most recent. My jaw drops in astonishment. As I scan the line of people wrapping all the way from the doors to the tour busses; only to get longer. The five bands performing for the AP Tour this year I never would have thought to be so popular. Wrong, as usual. I aproached the line, people stopping to ask me if I had any extra tickets. “No, sorry.” I reply. (I later found out the tour in Kansas City sold out.) I bask under the warm Spring sun, wearing my purple zebra print skinny jeans. I tell ya, patience while in line for a concert can be hard work. Sometime around 6:20 I became fidgety, when doors were supposed to open at 6:00 pm. I turn around to see the line has now began to wrap into the parking garage. Thank gawd that’s not me. Is all I was thinking. A line of girls skipping yell exuburantly, one of them holds up a sign. It reads, “The Maine signing at 6:30”. Hell yeah! I thought, but instead I reply “Whooo!!” and lift my arms.

 I stood next to a tour bus, and after I while I started to wonder. As I saw people who I guessed to be the crew walk in and out of that bus I was curious which band was in there. The door swung open and I saw Pat Kirch from the Maine hold the door open. Each member walks out and last, but definitely not least, John O’Callaghan steps out. Practically gasping I exclaim to my mother, “Dude, that’s John O from the Maine!” One of the guys behind me leans over and tells me, “You should ask to use their bathroom.” I smile in reply. (He and his friend are a whole other story. College boys; I tell ya!)

By the time the line actually starts to move it’s at least 6:30. Once I arrive in the building the place is thundering with loud music. Kids strutting around, people checking out merchandise, and others have already found their spot on the crowded floor. Antsy, I run over to the line for the Maine signing while my mom finds seats in the balcony. Bitting my nails, I watch the line, trying to mentally prepare myself for when I meet the band. As I begin to come some-what close to the signing table, two women walk towards the line. Counting bodies they turn to us and tell us they have to cut the line before the first band is on stage. The women cut the line a girl ahead of me. The girl explains to them how she’s with her friends so they end up letting her stay. “Awww!” I cry out. “The guys are good about staying after the show.” one of the ladies tell the line. Attempting to be hopeful, I slump back over to my mother.

The lights finally go out and the stage lights are turned on. I take a good look at the crowd and breath in hot air. Never have I seen such an energetic crowd. I feel like a part of me is missing not being able to be a part of that this time around. A Rocket to the Moon come on stage ready to rock. Reader, have I told you I adore red heads like Travis Clark and Nick Santino as well? No lie, it’s true. Though so far I’ve only deemed him and Travis Clark worthy. I was a bit iffy about A Rocket to the Moon when I sampled them on iTunes, but they really were great live. Good sound tinged with fun is such a great combination, don’t you think? A Rocket to the Moon’s sound was more fresh, less techno (well, only Nick’s old stuff sounds like that).

Yes, I have heard of Hit the Lights. Though they are another one of those bands who I think I’d like, but end up completely disagreeing with myself. There is something about his vocals that really annoys me. When I say whiny, I mean the person will savor one word to long and/or put too much force into singing. I think that was part of the problem. I guess I’m just a bit fastidious. While Hit the Lights were on stage I did not become a fan, though I did enjoy watching them perform. For me, if I am having fun that’s all that really matters. I watched the guys headbang and jump around the stage to some of their more pop sounding tunes, which I must admit was quite entertaining. Indeed I moved around a little myself, but I liked people-watching more. Kids had already begun to crowd surf and numerous boys were taking their shirts off. Some of ’em even swung their shirts high above heads in the air! This may sound slightly rude, but I was not at all dissappointed when Hit the Lights left the stage. I was eager for the Maine’s performance to start!

The intermission before the Maine were set to perform was longer. I could just feel that this is when the show would really begin. I’m getting a picture with John O! I kept repeating to myself over and over in my head. The Maine walked onto the stage and I went completely wild with girlish screams. John wore all black, making it hard for me to make him out with only the stage lights shining down on his soon to be sweating body. Each band said “f*ck” regularly, but I wasn’t going to take the time to complain. I became amused by John’s introductions before the Maine played each song. When the Maine played “Into Your Arms” John asked if the lights could be turned off to “set the mood”. Everything was pitch black aside from the flashing cameras being raised. “This song’s about sex,” said John and boy, I cannot tell you how many screams he recieved in return. — John O did mention that the band promotes safe sex.– Each member of the Maine did fantastic at keeping me entertained. Prancing around in their skinny jeans; and I loved when someone would stand on the speakers! John was probably the best lead singer to get the crowd involved in the performance (ag, I’m overusing this word). He even had the crowd form a “circle of love”. “Hey, dude.” John repeated over and over until he got some guy’s attention. “From you, I wanna see the best dance moves of all time.” More howls from the crowd as well as mine. John said, “I wanna see boys and girls making out!” “I know some of ’em are kinda  young…” one of the guitarists trailed off. “I know I wear girl jeans, but I would be making out with all these hot girls!” admitted John. Crowd surfing was going on through their set as well. A kid reached the stage and John spoke, “You’re kinda wild. I like you.” John O constantly splashed the crowd with his bottles of water. If only I had a good digital camera, that would have made for a brilliant photo.

My favorite song they performed was their cover of Akon’s “I Wanna Love You” from 2008’s Punk Goes Crunk. Of course I had to dance to this song, it was too irresistable! Though close runners up were “Girls Do What They Want” and “Into Your Arms”. To top off the Maine’s fabulous performance John said, “Hold on guys, I’m f*ckin’ comin’ out there.” He stood atop a speaker ready to jump into the crowd’s raised arms. People began clapping him on and finally, John jumped! It looked like the girls would swallow him whole and all I was thinking was, That must take a lot of trust!

3OH!3. Man, these boys are funny. And they were a lot less annoying without all the half naked girls in their music video. Offensive lyrics and a wild performance matched together creates a good crowd response. Opening their set with “Punk Bitch” the crowd goes nuts with shrill screams and crowd surfing. Judging by the crowd response, at least two thirds of the kids at that show were there for 3OH!3. As annoying as 3OH!3’s song “Starstrukk” can get I sang along. I knew the lyrics and if you don’t take it seriously then the song is fine. The view of the crowd from the balcony was amazing. Watching everyone push, shove, bounce, and crowd surf was interesting! 3OH!3’s “gang sign” was flashed several times throughout their performance. Sean and Nat had a good sense of awkward humor. “I never took ballet, yet I’m silky.” Sean said, moving around the stage. Flailing his arms in positions that were supposed to be karate moves. Walking towards a guitarist Sean lifting his leg as if he would kick him. “You see that,” he spoke into the microphone. “easy.” Sean repeated a couple times. “I could,” *pause* “kill you.” Sean said, calmly,  lifting his leg once again to the guitar player. Nat was swishing his long dark hair around as he danced. As a crowd surfer just about reached the stage one of the guys asked, “Dude, where’s your shirt?” The boy said something I couldn’t hear and the next thing I heard was one of the guys asking, “Is this your shirt?” “No, this is a white shirt.” and Nat threw the T-shirt to him. Later, Sean was shaking his hips after finishing one of their songs. “AWKWARD!” He cries out into the mic. Turning around he continues, “You know what we do with awkward silences? We take them and make them more awkward.” After a good performance, I think I might just buy their album.

As soon as 3OH!3 finished their set at least half the crowd began to leave. “Nooo!” I said. “This isn’t fair to Family Force 5.” I felt bad knowing that Family Force 5 wouldn’t get the same crowd response. Though some people stayed a tad longer to buy 3OH!3 gear I watched them leave the venue as well.

Did I mention Tuesday, April 14, 2009 was a special day? Why? You ask. Let me inform you, Tuesday, Soul Glow Activatur (also known as Solomon Olds) turned thirty years old! Members from some of the previous bands (including 3OH!3) came out and sang to Soul Glow and the remains of the crowd followed their lead. Sean of 3OH!3 smashed Sol’s face right into his cake lit with 30 candles. “Aw, you suck!” Solomon said, wiping the frosting off of his face with a towel. “Now you’re gonna have to lick it off!” Soul Glow Activatur yelled. Sean walked over and licked icing right from Sol’s cheek, picked Solomon up and swung him around!

Family Force 5 mounted the stage, filling the room with good energy. Each member dressed in a red, longsleeved shirt and white skinny jeans. Soul Glow Activatur introduced each member, “This is Phatty. This handsome devil here is Chap Stique. Nadaddy, and this twig of a drummer is Crouton.” Family Force 5 are probably some of the best and most choreographed performers if we are talkin’ bands. With complete honestly, I can say, Family Force 5 DID NOT get nearly enough attention for their performance! The guitarists would stand on the gigantic speakers and Sol’s loud screams were deliciously deffening. The drummer, Crouton, would get up and do freaking hand stands… on the drums!!! How can you not enjoy that glorious maddness?!?! The now small, empty balcony’s only life left was me, headbanging and cheering at Family Force 5’s wicked dance moves. I absolutely loved “Supersonic” live and the reaction of each band members on stage. With their over-the-top enthusiasm really made Family Force 5’s performance worth while. During one of their songs, Sean of 3OH3 came out and started dancing around. There stood a board in the back, and when you touched a square section, it would light up. Sean skipped his way over there, punching the board in a pattern. To sum it up, Family Force 5’s performance was perfectly courageous and definitely a “force” to be reckoned with.

The show ended and I walked on over to the merchandise tables. I spotted Nick Santino signing EPs and taking pictures. He was just about the skinniest thing! With big red hair standing up, I almost didn’t recognize him. “Can I get a picture with you?” I asked hopeful, a smile spread wide across my face. “Sure.” Nick replied, sweeping (yes, actually sweeping) his arm over my shoulder. *sigh* I will cherish that photo forever and always, for I got a picture with Nick Santino! Glancing quickly around the room. Hurriedly (I had a test the next day, so I had to get home) I couldn’t find John O’Callaghan. Though at the Maine’s merch table was Garrett Nickelsen, the bass player of the Maine. He and his “uber cool self” allowed me to take a picture with him too. At the last second I licked my lips, long story short. I ruined the picture. Oh well, at least Garrett looked awfully cute!

This night shall be remembered.

One Year Anniversary

April 15, 2009


Today is the one year anniversary of my first ever, real concert. My Chemical Romance. Let me just say, what a great first concert. I will never forget it. I knew nothing about showing up early, haircuts, T-shirts, or what was cool. I was just some kid who walked in wearing skinny jeans and thought I was unique for that. Wrong. Just about everyone was wearing black. Not necessarily all black, but some form of black.

We got lost on the way to the show. I started freaking out and then our friend Roxann turned to me and said, “Phoenixx. Whoo saahh!” Funny, that actually relaxed me a little.

The venue was a big old building with bad acoustics. I walked in to see bottles littering the stairs. I remember a random girl’s face. I showed the bouncer my ticket, jumping up and down with excitement. This was the best night of my life. Nothing will ever be the same. I walked in curious, glancing at everything. I was being directed to the balcony area. I could hear the thumping loud music from quite a ways away. I remember seeing an “emo boy” in line for something. I thought he was cute (that was before I gave up on stereotypes). Once I was directed to the balcony I got the best seats I could, but the place was packed! I was wearing a brown shirt with a peace sign on it and my Jack Skeleton beanie with a cap. It felt like everyone was looking at me funny. Maybe I am just paranoid. No cameras were allowed, but I didn’t even have a digital camera so it would have been a waste. Billy Talent were playing onstage. The lead singer jumped around wildly and poured beer on his head. I thought it was awesome. I wasn’t a fan of their music yet so I just bobbed my head, feeling awkward. I also remember seeing two girls headbanging like mad. One of them looked like she had bright red hair and I instantly thought of Hayley Williams. After a few more songs Billy Talent left the stage.

The floor was filled with mobs of kids wearing black. A girl I saw fell down or passed out. My mom turned to me and said something like, “Poor girl. Guess she partied too hard before the concert.” My mom asked me if I wanted to go to the merchandise tables so of course I said yes. We walked down to the tables. People crowded around them in My Chem. tees. I couldn’t really see any of the T-shirts because of my bad eye sight. I ended up with an awesome jacket. On the front it reads “The Black Parade Is DEAD!” and on the back it says “Long Live the Black Parade.” — My stomach is flipping just thinking about my memories of the concert.– A messenger bag and fingerless gloves. The merch guy was cute. He had long dark wavy hair. He had on these awesome jeans, that had a distressed look to them and a lip ring. (I always find a way to say some guy is cute, don’t I?)

Back to the balcony. The banner that read “My Chemical Romance” came down and the crowd went nuts with screaming. I yelled some, though I was a bit reserved. I thought people cared what I did. Now I regret that I didn’t dance around and headband during My Chemical Romance’s performance. My loss. It seemed like forever that I waited for them to come on stage. As soon as they dimed the lights My Chemical Romance opened with “Head First For Halos” which is from their first album, I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. I sang along to the lyrics and then Gerard messed them up. “I fucked up the lyrics.” Gerard said. But My Chem decided to finish the song anyway. I barely saw the performance. I was too busy screaming the lyrics into my mother’s ear. I bobbed my head and for their encore they sang “Desert Song.” One of my favorites in fact. I waved my cell phone around in the air. It felt so good. I was never so happy. It didn’t want it to be over. Gerard (Way) ended the show with a speech about “Desert Song” and thanked Drive-By and Billy Talent.

Maybe “finding yourself” is part of the process as well.

April 11, 2009


You’re so brilliant, don’t soon forget. You’re so brilliant, grace marked your heart. — Anberlin “The Unwinding Cable Car”

These words stain me in the best possible way. Though if anyone were to ever say them to me, they would sound fake. Untrue and dishonest. Cheesy, even. These words are not meant to be repeated, for the purpose would dull. I’m just a dreamer. It seems vivid fantasies dance through my head. Words etch themselves across my skull. I create plots and scenes for movies or books I will never write. I am impatient and I have no idea what to do with these ideas. I dream I’ll become a guitarist. Sometimes I even write out interviews I’d have with people in my head. Things I would say onstage. Music racks through my brain and occasionally they will escape my lips in the form of a hum. I live in my head and in the best moments of the past. After each concert I try hard to remember each feeling and moment I witnessed or felt. And I don’t think I’ll ever officially realize the past is over. I close my eyes and become lost in thought.

Pictures: Extra AAR

April 10, 2009












 more photos at

The All-American Rejects

April 10, 2009

Band line up: Vedera, Ace Enders and a Million Different People, Shiny Toy Guns, The All-American Rejects

Walking towards my favorite concert venue was nerve wracking. My heart thumped loudly in my chest. My conscience screaming in my ears, Tonight you are going to see The All-American Rejects!!! My mother and I are almost to the line when I see the drummer, Chris Gaylor, from The All-American Rejects right in front of me. He’s talking on his cell phone so there is no way I’ll get a picture with him. I show him a big smile that says, I know who you are!And he winks at ME and walks behind a fence. I stop and turn to my mom. “What?” she says. I slap her arm and yell, “The drummer from The All-American Rejects just winked at me!!!” “What? He did? I didn’t see him.” she replies, confused. “That was him back there he was talking on the phone and he winked at me!” yell back at her. “I didn’t take a good look at him.” my mother replies. I instantly knew this was going to be a good night. What a great way to kick off the first concert of the year, don’t ya think? — Let me just say this. I never really thought Chris Gaylor was cute. He is adorable in person and surprisingly a lot slimmer standing up. (I have a fetish for nose rings.)–

It seems as if we stood in line forever, but we got there just in time. A few moments after we came a boat load of more kids came. I payed my minor fee and showed them my ticket. Since The Beaumont had been redone I liked it much better. I wandered towards the huge merch table crammed full of AAR T-shirts. “C’mon Phoen. We gotta get our seats.” I followed my mom to the balcony. “Wait, I want to check for floor seats.” I rushed down the stairs and reserved a spot a few feet away from the stage. Closer to the side than the middle, I was happy anyway.

At first I had mixed feelings about Vedera. Though it’s hard not to like them because one, they are also from Kansas City. And two, the female lead singer, Kristin May, is awesome. Vedera walks onto the stage grabbing their guitars and taking their places. Being the first band sucks sometimes. Actually, most of the time it bites to be the first band. I didn’t know any of Vedera’s songs though some sounded familiar. Probably thirty second iTunes clips. Kristen has a really powerful voice that I enjoyed listening to. A band is really only as good as it is live  and Vedera didn’t get enough respect for their well earned performance. She sang, played guitar, played piano, and even dance around a little.

Ah, yes. Ace Enders (and a Million Different People). I had listened to a song or two online and was disappointed with the lead singer’s vocal talent. Though the instrumental was alright. His voice was a bit whiny for me, but at least he was putting some effort into it.  I did like one of the songs I sampled, though I can’t recall the name. It was slow and calming.  Ace Enders finish their sound check and walk on stage. The two girls in front of me are getting on my last nerve. They are wearing their hair up in high ponytails. Each time they move their heads their hair swishes right in my face. I was constantly holding my hand up as a shield. I stand on my tip toes, at the same time attempting to keep my balance. As Ace Enders begin their set I am caught off guard by the sound. Never have I been two feet away from the stage. My ears are beginning to get used to the sound, but I can feel the vibrations from the noise in my chest.The band jumps around, head bangs a little. Finally the crowd starts to get with the picture. “Run faster, faster.” are the only two words I can remember of their first song. Because Ace Enders were having fun and totally feeling Kansas City I jumped around too, enjoying the moments that time would steal soon. “How is Kansas City doin’ tonight?” the lead singer would ask numerous times. The crowd howled back with excitement. They sang a song about getting old. “Who knows what I’m talkin’ about?” he asked. “Yeah, I’m gettin’ old…. Like 107.”  (he’s really only 26) That made me smile. Ace Enders and a Million Different People sang a song called “Bring Back Love (Year 2020)”. The lead singer, Ace, (Yes that’s really his name) gave us an introduction about how people care too much about money and there doesn’t seem to be enough love. Ace told us to “get cheesy” and wave our hands from side to side “like we are hippies or something.” We sang those three words, “bring back love” over and over even after the music had stopped and everyone seemed a little tamer.

While waiting for Shiny Toy Guns, you know how the venue will sometimes play background music? Well, all of the sudden “Are You Gonna Be My Girl” by JET comes on. I adore this song so of course I started to sing along as well as many other people. I was spazzing out dancing around in the little space I had. “Big black boots, long brown hair. She’s so sweet with her get back stare.” I sang loudly. After that they played “I Love Rock ‘n Roll” by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts. During the song, Shiny Toy Guns’ sound check started and blocked out parts of the song. Things quieted for a moment and I could hear the start of “Somebody Told Me” by The Killers. Then odd noises began to buzz again and I could barely hear the song.

Shiny Toy Guns. I cannot say I’m a fan. Their performance was theatrical and though they didn’t say much, it looked like Shiny Toy Guns were putting a heck of a lot of effort into that performance.  Their stage lighting with smokescreen, their makeup, and sound reminded my mom of 80’s New Wave bands. The drummer was wearing gloves and head phones, banging away at his drums. I did really like “Ghost Town” which I bobbed my head to. The female singer has a high pitched voice and what shrill screams can escape her mouth! I think I took three good pictures of them and decided to save the rest of my memory card for The All-American Rejects performance.

The crowd had to wait a bit longer. During this wait a mosh pit did not start, but the crowd would push backwards and forwards. When I was pushed I started freaking out. I must have had some look on my face because the next thing I know a girl smiles and asks me, “Is this your first concert?” “No.” I reply. “I’m just freaking out.”

The lights dim. The All-American Rejects sign lights up. I hear music and the crowd is wild with butterflies of excitement boiling in them. I scream at the top of my lungs. The crowd begins to push. The lights of the AAR sign flicker and I can tell they will open with “I Wanna”. Tyson, Chris, Nick, Mike run onto the stage. It takes a minute, but sooner than I know Tyson starts singing. The crowd goes mad and every time I jump off the ground I feel like I’ll fall on someone. People surround just about every inch of me and I’m finding it hard to breathe. Occasionally when I jump a gust of fresh air will find me. “How you doin’ tonight Kansas Ci-tay?!” Tyson asks, mischievously. I scream hard, unable to hear myself. “How you doin’ Kansas City bitches?!” He asks again, saying “bitches” fast. More screams, howls, and swoons from the crowd. “Girls, say dirty.” Tyson moans. “Dirty!” the crowd and I yell back. “Say dirty!” Tyson says again. “Dirty!” I scream back, grinning. This goes on for a couple of times and leads into the song “Dirty Little Secret”. I am sweating. This is the first time I have ever perspired at a concert. No lie. Strange as this sounds, I loved it. Especially when I would feel the the breeze overhead. I had my crappy digital camera whipped out throughout The All-American Rejects’ whole performance. Tyson leans close to me and I barely saw it. A tall guy behind me and my mom grabs my camera and tries to take his picture. “Aw, sorry.” the guy says. I thank him anyway because not many people are nice enough to take a good picture for me. Later a fan-girl yelled “I love you Tyson!” The guy who used my camera asked me, “Who’s Tyson?” “Is he the lead singer?” “Yeah.” I replied. “He’s gay.” the tall guy said back, his chin resting a few inches over his girlfriend’s head. “What? No, I love him too!” I defended. “No, look at the way he’s dressed and the way he talks and acts.” he paused for a minute. “Maybe he’s bi if you’re lucky.” he joked. I giggled. I don’t believe Tyson is gay. He is just a performer and a maybe a tad of an attention seeker (meant in the best possible way) on stage. I’ve had a crush on him since the third grade and that isn’t changing anytime soon.

The acoustic rendition of “Mona Lisa” was really beautiful. “You can sit beside me when the world comes down. If it doesn’t matter then just turn around.”

I loved how every now and then Nick Wheeler the guitarist closest to me would have this grin slowly spread across his face. He’d lean over ever so slightly and a few of the girls in front of me would scream, throwing their hands out to him… But so did I a couple of times *wink*. 

Tyson got off the stage while he was singing and walked through the little passage way that spaced out the crowd from the stage. As soon as I saw him get down I jumped, stretching my arm out as far as possible. Other kids did the same. We smooshed each other, one of top of the other. Unfortunately, I couldn’t reach him. 

 I don’t remember what order the songs were played or all of the songs they did play. I just remember I had an effing great time. The All-American Rejects sang “The Last Song” and I had a bad feeling this was it. And it was. Until the crowd began chanting, “ONE MORE SONG.” over and over again. Until finally they came back out for two or three more songs. Yes, AAR did play “Gives You Hell”, seriously, how could they not??

The show did come to an end at last. As people slowly spread out, The All-American Rejects threw guitar picks off the stage. I pushed back towards the stage attempting to catch one. Then Mike threw set lists, and the crowd gobbled them whole. As soon as I saw one of the guys grab a towel I knew it would be complete madness. He threw it. A mob of girls attacked it. Literally. It was pretty brutal to watch. I walked off towards the merchandise tables once more, eyeing a T-shirt I really wanted (and ended up purchasing). Two of the band members from Vedera were giving away free EP/samplers, signing them, and taking pictures. The guy hands me an EP and I asked him to sign it. “Sure!” he says with a smile. He was extremely nice and when he smiled he looked even cuter with his long hair. (What can I say? I am in fact a fan-girl, but it’s not like I build shrines for them. Just saying, “he’s cute”. Simple as that.) I get a picture with Kristen May and Ace from Ace Enders and a Million Other People.

I honestly can say this was one of the best concerts I have ever attended. Seeing a band I’ve been listening to since third grade, one of the bands who got me listening to rock music. C’mon, it doesn’t get much better. Having one of the band members wink at me, seriously. I was practically hysterical during the car ride home. Much thanks to my mother who takes me to these shows! Thanks to each band for coming out and special thanks to The All-American Rejects. Thank you for enjoying the Kansas City crowd because no one ever favors us!

— Nixie

I’m simply talking to myself…

April 7, 2009

What is there to write about anymore? I’ve brushed over many different topics and I can’t seem to think of anything interesting. Life, death, music, books. The same things repeated in some pattern maybe.

Today I did not complain about school surprisingly. Though what is there to complain about when you know there is no school on Friday? A friend of mine asked me if it bugs me that it’s called “Good Friday” because I’m not especially religious. Though I really have nothing to complain about. If I am saved from treacherous day at school. Sure! I’m fine. I’ll spend my day listening to the best music and reminding me younger siblings I am “superior to them”. Hehe. And maybe a little reading of the book “The Hunger Games”, but lately I just haven’t been in the mood.

I am getting over the cold that has been going around. I often blow my nose and the occasional “coughing attack”. God, I hate those. I’ll have a tickle in my throat and start coughing like mad. In the end I usually end up taking deep breaths. Might I remind you all I’m going to see The All-American Rejects on Wednesday night? Yes, fresh out of that I shall have a some sort of story of review by Thursday. I just hope to god I do not have a “cough attack” during the concert. That would definitely suck. I’m hoping I’ll feel at my best by then, but it is uncertain.

I like to tell myself what my plans are conciously. That way I feel more organized. I’m not sure why. It is a comfort I suppose. I’ll be writing Thursday. Until then.

Don’t You Shiver

April 6, 2009

Why does it have to end this way? No, cross that. Why is is forced to end this way? So many “rockstars” have given into the life of drugs and suicide. Why is that? What is nagging you at the back of your brain making to choose this way out? People have dark pasts. Abusive families, maybe. Maybe one or both of their parents weren’t around throughout their childhood. Maybe something much worse. But why does it have to go down like this?

Today I just found out Craig Owens of Chiodos allegedly tried to commit suicide last year by an overdose (I’m not quite sure of what). Is this a rumor that I was gullible enough to believe or the sad truth? Supposedly Craig posted a note to their website that he then removed. So many questions are forming in my head. Questions that aren’t even my business. What if Craig had died that morning? Would I have ever been introduced to Chiodos’ fabulous music? “Think about your loved ones.” everyone says. What about his fans as well? They care too. Where would Chiodos be? Depression sucks. It kills a lot of people you could say. How does it form? Why do we humans become depressed? I think, and I cannot understand my feelings on this topic. How can I be saddened when I don’t even know Craig Owens or anyone else who has tried or has committed suicide. Dammit, why does life get so hard?! Why can’t we try to manage? I cannot begin to understand their point of view, so this question shall remain unanswered until futher notice.


— Nixie