And after all you’re my wonderwall….

August 31, 2009

My second week of school started today. I have one day down. I finished “The Perks Of Being a Wallflower” last week and I can say that it is one of my all time favorite books. It makes me wonder how some of the most simple books are so charming and so popular. Ah well, this book was an acception.

Nothing intersting happened today. I don’t have anything to complain about. School is alright for once. Oh, but today my English teacher was funny. We were discussing story plots and so she used Goldy Locks and The Three Bears as an example. “Goldy Locks is a little thug!” she said. Kids giggled but my English teacher was serious. “Walkin’ into those bears house. She outta think for herself!” I don’t have much homework yet, but I’m glad I have a little. I know most kids despise homework but I don’t know… it gives me a good feeling, it keeps me busy. At least so far. Oh and I learned the alphabet in French!

I just want Friday to get here! On Friday I will be going to see Blink-182 with Weezer, Taking Back Sunday, Chester French and the Von Bondies. Really, I’m only there for Taking Back Sunday but seeing Blink and Weezer is a bonus! AND my uber-rad cousin who took me to Warped Tour is going to accompany me yet again.

I think I’m going to finish reading “The Graveyard Book” by Neil Gaimen. I made a Tumblr account. If you ever wanted to check it out here’s the link http://www.thehumanbean.tumblr.com. I have also been writing a story and recently started posting it to Quizilla so I can get some readers! Though, I’m not too sure anybody is reading it other than a couple of girls on Polyvore…. Whoever is reading this post now, I would appreciate it greatly if you would read at least one “chapter” of my story! http://www.quizilla.com/stories/12970119/you-got-me-up-against-the-wall (Blackbyrd, if you ever read my blog anymore I swear to you my username is not copying off of you. Since my name is Phoenixx a friend of mine nicknamed me Birdie. When I typed in my username I didn’t check over it and it came out as bydiebirdie. Stupid, I know, but if you ever do read my blog anymore I just wanted you to know.) I guess that’s it.

Song Of The Day – “Wonderwall” by Oasis http://ashleyrawr.tumblr.com/post/176496622/innocentandsweet-wonderwall-oasis

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It was alright but I’m not saying I want to go back.

August 24, 2009

Okay, so the first day back at school wasn’t so bad. It was better than I expected it to be, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be different tomorrow or that I’ve stopped hating it. Honestly, the only thing I’m really worried about is PE, opening my locker, and getting to class on time.

English is my favorite subject. I love to write and read new and interesting things. My only problem? I am stuck with a shitty teacher. She is old, mean and moody. During the whole class we just sat in her room listening to her lecture us about what we can and can’t do. At one point she said, “I’m not gonna treat you like you’re dumb. I’m not going to come over to you and comfort you and say, ‘Oh, it’s okay little retard.'” I guess all I can do is hope for a better English teacher in high school.

Thankfully, I knew a group of people from my old school or people I had met at summer school. Even though I don’t want to call all of them friends, it is nice to see someone I at least remembered. I got a little turned around walking through the hallways but I managed to find my way around. I’ve got to admit, I was a little late to some of my classes due to a crappy combination lock.

I hope tomorrow is better and a get the swing of things. At least after the first week you would think. Today was really just and orientation; and I was handed a many “syllabus”. There wasn’t any homework other than to take home all my papers and get my parents to read over them and sign them. Actually, I do have to write a paragraph about how Project Lead The Way got its start, but that barely counts. — The only class I’m really worried about is PE. I usually do the exercises required but that doesn’t mean I like them. I’m just afraid of looking utterly stupid. That would be a bad feeling. I’m not too keen on embarrassment.

Surprisingly, I think my favorite teacher so far is the Science teacher. Holy guacamole, she is a bundle of energy! I guess that’s it. I hope tomorrow I can shake of the early morning jitters faster. (Did I mention I have to wake up at 6:00 AM and get to school by 7:00? Well, if I didn’t now you know!)


My eyes are tired, but I’ll stay awake for this last day of summer.

August 23, 2009

School starts tomorrow and I am still nervous. I have a headache right now. I’m trying to go without taking an Ibuprofen of Tylenol because I don’t want to get too dependant on them. I’m almost finished with “The Perks Of Being a Wallflower” and I love it. Yesterday I painted my nails with glittery nail polish. You can’t see anything other than the cleance Inside”ar coating and sparkles. When I think back to when I bought it, it was two days before Warped Tour. When I think about Warped Tour I think about how much I will soon be missing summer. I wish I could redo my summer and be more adventurous and do something really fun or meaningful, but I can’t. I suppose I shall just begin planning for next year.

I was listening to The Academy Is…’s album Fast Times At Barrington High this morning and thinking how much of a summer album it is. I was thinking about the song “Summer Hair = Forever Young” in particular (can you guess why?). I actually like the fall and winter much better than summer, but knowing that I don’t have school or homework to worry about the next day is always a nice feeling. I started singing it to my younger sister and decided I would just play it for all to hear. So I stuck the album into my sisters’ Hello Kitty CD player and listened to the whole album three times through.

The first time I sat in the kitchen and sang along in a whisper. The next time I played it while I was reading. The third time I listened to it during the car ride to the Ethnic Festival. (At the Ethnic Festival I came across some beautiful Kokeshi Dolls. I’ll post my pictures soon, but in the meantime you should read bout them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokeshi) It has been another one of those melancholy days.

Despite the fact I talked about The Academy Is… (and even wore my concert T-shirt today) in this post, the Song Of The Day is “Dance Inside” by The All-American Rejects. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VKkLKTnlu0


I sound old and cheesy.

August 23, 2009

You know, it has taken me a while to actually bring myself to saying this, but I think I’m hung up on thinking everything is not okay. What a lot of people tell me and people probably tell you this too, is that someone has it worse than you do. That is so completely true. I know that everything will be okay. And if you can bring yourself to saying this than you might not get eaten alive by the fear of everything. Things were getting to a point where I was worrying about everything and I don’t want to be known as a coward.

School isn’t such a scary thought. It’s just that I hate it. What I am most afraid of is not being able to open my locker with the mass of everyone around me and then being late to class or missing the bus or getting lost in this new school. I’m trying to get in the habit of telling myself I will be able to open the lock and make it to class and so on because if I walk into the school saying, “This is gonna be a bad day,” it will be. Some people think this stuff is stupid, and I’ll admit I used to be one of them, but it works. Trust me, if I met John O’Callaghan and Aaron Gillespie then you should believe me.

Shall I change the subject? I am often talking to people on Polyvore and it seems people think I am older than I really am. I don’t try to trick them but sometimes it just happens. I guess this is an up in some ways, but when I’ve got people telling me they just recently got drunk it might be a little awkward to tell them how old I am. Though, I’m not sure why they’d share that with me anyways. I guess some people are just open books.

I am going to change this topic again because I feel like it. I want to watch Dan in Real Lifesince we just rented it. I feel a bit melancholy at the moment. I want to hug someone right now. Sometimes it just feel good to give someone a hug. That sounds really sappy and trust me, I’m not an uber-sappy person, but I like hugs sometimes. My mom just made popcorn and I already brushed my teeth. I pondering if I should get a Tumblr for photoblogging. I’m not sure yet. I guess I’ll sign off, it’s getting late.

Banana bread and hugs to all!
– Nixx


“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”

August 22, 2009

I thought I would make use of this day.

Yesterday I went down to the Plaza. I walked around first. I finished “City Of Glass” by Cassandra Clare on Thursday and in the words of Hannah, was have some withdrawal issues. I had planned on walking into Barnes and Noble and being able to sit and start to re-read it. Instead, I mainly just talked to my mom. I searched for a book called “The Perks Of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky. We found it, but when I flipped the paperback book over to look at the price I saw that it was fourteen dollars. I had enough money, but I wasn’t willing to pay it. So I told myself today I would look for it at the library.

Today I went to library and I checked out “The Perks Of Being a Wallflower”. I brought it home and I sat down in the dining room and began to read it. I never read in the dining room, which is strange. The book is written in the form of letters to whom I don’t know. I tuned out the music my mom was playing and the TV my sisters were watching. I read this book without looking up.

I’ve only read about forty-two pages, but at one point I almost started crying. Yet I kept reading. I felt sick to my stomach and I wanted to cry for knowing this. I wanted to cry in a panic that school is in one day. I wanted to cry over a fictional book, but I kept reading. I am seeing everything from Charlie’s point of view and I already know this will be one of my favorite books.

Song Of The Day – “Sowing Season” by Brand New http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qd6wrss3iP8

wallflower1


We’re screaming at the same moon.

August 20, 2009

Craig Owens’s screaming is calming me down right now. It’s keeping me in the clouds. His screaming does two things for me. Either I want to headbang to the sound of Chiodos’s music or I want to go to relax to it. Not that it’s boring, but that it calms me down and puts me in a mixture of reality and fiction. It’s like I could pretend I feel the same way as Craig did after his first love broke his heart (thus he wrote an album about her). Yet this time I feel more like the instrumental rather than the lyrics. It’s like when I was listening to Brand New’s Déjà Entendu record.

Press my face up against the glass
with both eyelids shut and
baby this won’t get any easier
baby this won’t get any easier
baby this won’t get any easier

I’ll lie on the dirty carpeting in my room (that can’t be fixed unless we were willing to pay for new wood floors) and breathe. I like taking deep breaths because it makes me feel a little better. It takes some of the frustration away. — I sound cheesy again. — When I push all the frustration back I feel like and old toy disguised as a new one.

It’s not a big deal. It has been three weeks since my last guitar lesson but I’m mad at myself. This is part of learning, but I am always angry at myself for not knowing what he might throw at me. School starts next week. I was supposed to read two non-fiction books from a list they sent me. I lost the list and didn’t read the books. I have to be tested on them. I guess I’m just looking for more stuff to mope about.

We all have our good days and our bad days, yesterday was a mixture of the two.

Song Of The Day – “No Hardcore Dancing In The Living Room” by Chiodos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJCX_Nit388

chiodos lyrics


So lonely, so pretty

August 18, 2009

Last weekend was a weekend of hair. Lots of hair. Yes, I did cut my hair if you were wondering. It looks kind of crappy, but I don’t mind that much because it’s easier to deal with. I can pull my hair back into two little buns, pull it back into a pony tail, leave it down for once or straighten it if I please. (Though, if I did decide to straighten it might still take a couple hours. )

My little sister got her hair ‘cut’ (really, just trimmed). I wish she would have cut it short like it used to be. My sister’s hair isn’t like mine. She’s got that flyaway texture, yet it’s still curly, just not uber-curly like mine. Well, she straightened it. It’s not permanent of anything, but I’m going to be honest here, I think it looks… not so good. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t. She looks like a little house wife. You know, the soccer moms with the white pants and blue sweaters.

My brother needs to grow up and he needs to learn how to listen. We are constantly telling him not to do this, not to do that. After telling him these things he either does it again not to be stubborn, but because he can’t seem to comprehend what we are saying. Or he does something else we have told him not to do. I am sure of it. I sound bitter, and I won’t lie I am a little bit but I’m going to say this where I can which is on my blog! In example, Don’t squirt toothpaste all over the sink, don’t leave your clothes on the bathroom floor, don’t talk “slang” and the list goes on.

On a lighter note, I found out The Almost are going to be touring with The Used. The dates have been posted, but they post the venues on Thursday so be stoked. I want to go, but I’m running out of money. October 6th Paramore are coming back to Kansas City on a headlining tour after their new album Brand New Eyes comes out and I want to go! But the next day Brand New will be here with Manchester Orchestra at the same venue. Then in November, four days after my birthday All Time Low will be here at my favorite venue with We The Kings, Hey Monday, and the Friday Night Boys. Ag, so many good concerts.

Song Of The Day – “Lasso” by Phoenix http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weoqE_thaIk (Ha, just a couple months ago I found out I could search my name on iTunes.)