November 25, 2009

I am back to the music that gives me chills and sends a satisfactory feeling in my gut of both hurt and understanding. Like anything else, my words fail. The music holds its arms out to me welcoming me, speaking for me. Underoath is the name it goes by. Spencer Chamberlain’s screams block everything else out as well as Aaron’s loud drum playing and the fast and heavy guitars topped off with a great bass. It isn’t loud enough, and I need more. I want so badly for it to block the world out and consume me, overwhelm me. I want for it to banish all feeling except for the rush of adrenaline you feel like when you are running away from someone so fast you can’t skid to a stop.

I hope to God you come down/I hope to God you feel this now. Aaron but I won’t, and I can’t, and I refuse! I want to feel a rush and if that’s what I want I will find a way to have it. I need it. I need to feel something other then this sadness that lags me and pulls my down into an abyss of nothingness.

I wrote that. I don’t even know which direction I’m going anymore. I just feel so lifeless and I am a restless person. I don’t even know what I want, but I can’t seem to find it.
First of all, this was beautifully written. Underoath has a way about them that just captures you. Second, you need to relax. I’m guessing you’re young; you have a lot of time. Have faith that you’ll eventually find what ever it is you’re looking for.

— Thank you to youmaybeoffended for that answer. You’ll never know who wrote that on your Formspring, but that might be a good thing. I am feeling better than I did last night. I trust your words and I will indeed take a chill pill.


November 22, 2009


I don’t want to attend school tomorrow. Sure I only have two days of school this week, but tomorrow I have three tests and I am procrastinating because I hate the very thought of homework. It’s alright, the day is still young.

I am looking forward to the five day weekend that is coming up. Thanksgiving is a nice holiday, but I don’t care much for it. As long as I have a peanut butter and nutella sandwich I’m fine. I have a little spending money and I really should save it, but I’m no good at that so I will instead spend some of it. I was thinking about buying a book called “Look For Alaska” by John Green and I don’t know what else, maybe something from Urban Outfitters. I mainly like being out of the house.

I am trying to write my concert story about the All Time Low show I was at Friday night. It was great, but I just want to rush into the part where I met Travis and Hunter from We he Kings and Zack and Alex from All Time Low. It was a great show and I have not sweat that much since I was at Warped Tour.

I saw New Moon yesterday afternoon. It was a lot better than Twilight, but it was still a bit cheesy. What annoyed me most was Bella and Edward’s loud kissing, that was just gross. I think I am team Jacob, now but I may still be Switzerland. After the movie I went straight to babysitting, but it was alright because I ended up earning thirty-five dollars.

I have been listening to music of course and to welcome the winter that will soon be here I have picked out a song for you all to sing along to. Here ya go.

You were fake, I was great. -Nothing Personal.

November 19, 2009

Hi again. Did you like my Cage The Elephant concert story? Feel free to comment on the post and tell me what you liked best. Not that anyone ever reads this blog. I was looking back at a couple of my posts from last November and I feel pretty proud. My writing has improved immensely in the past year. I’m not sure what I would have done or what my writing would still look like without this blog. So thank you to Emily, Hannah, Jane, and my mother for helping me edit it.

Time for a rant. I just don’t understand. At the beginning of the year we spoke regularly and she seemed like a really nice girl. We became friends during summer school and since then we have hung out a few times outside of school. Now she doesn’t even want to sit with me at lunch. Okay, it really isn’t a big deal but my problem with her is this.

All of the sudden she calls herself fluffy (in other words, chubby) and talks herself down. I know that was me once but I have since then stopped. I haven’t even stepped on a scale in a couple weeks. And now she hangs around the really tiny, prissy girls in school. That’s what frustrates me most. Hon, you can’t make yourself into something you’re not.

In example, while we were playing Frisbee in PE today I was put onto their team. The whole while we are playing Frisbee the girls are taking these baby steps, practically handing the frisby to each other, fiddling with their hair. You know what, maybe she is more like them then I realized. End of rant.

Tomorrow Kenize will be up to take me to the All Time Low, Glamour Kills tour. I am excited, but I can’t picture what will happen or what the show will be like. Though I do know it cannot beat Cage The Elephant.

Not quite the song of the day, but either way indulge.

You’re a robot, and they designed your life.

November 19, 2009


My ears are still ringing.

Front row and center. As an early birthday present my mother treated me by taking me to see one of my absolute favorite bands, Cage The Elephant. The hard work finally paid off when we arrived to take our front row spots at the Beaumont Club. It was vacant in the beginning, but we suspected that people preferred to go out and get a drink before coming to a show on a Saturday night.

The Shakeltons was the first band to take the stage. Leaves and branches were draped over speakers and monitors. The lead singer came onto the stage and set down a few small bouquets of flowers. The Shakeltons sang of love and broken hearts, but there was hope on their lyrics. The lead singer was a good performer. He fell from a monitor purposely and shook as if he was having a seizure then jumped to his feet. He would grab a lock of some boy’s hair and jerk their heads around. Once he set his hand down on my mother’s head. The drummer was amazing. He was banging the crap out of those drums. The Shakeltons ended their set with the lead singer handing my mother a daisy.

Next was Morning Teleportation. I love this band. Earlier, we briefly spotted a small guy wearing an off-red jean, a bowling shirt, and a ladybug backpack; topped off with a retro haircut with curved bangs. (Honestly, how can you not adore a guy who wears a ladybug backpack?)

— Morning Teleportation have such an unconventional sound. Most bands you will hear often have similarities because of the instruments they play. Morning Teleportation are more different than any band I have ever heard. Despite how young they seem, Morning had experimented with a variety of sound effects. The lead singer would often change up his guitar tuning by tapping his foot of the different pedals below himself. The trumpeter looked like Zack Merrick of All Time Low and there was a keyboardist set off to the right side of the stage who would dance. Their songs are filled with several hooks making some last around six minutes. The last song was dedicated to the lead singer’s mother, who was sitting at a table off to the side. At the end of the set the band members all fell to the ground. The lead singer hopped off the stage and to the floor right in front of me. He crouched down and folded his arms over his head as the song ended.

Cage The Elephant opened the show with “Doctor, Doctor, Doctor” and that’s when I really realized that more people had arrived. I was shoved against the stage but I didn’t mind much. It was all good fun. While there was no crowd surfing throughout the entire concert -other than Matt Shultz stage diving- there were several moshpits. People were moshing right behind us, but I enjoyed it because everyone was having fun, no one was angry.

Little words of thanks were uttered in between songs and the infrequent introduction before Cage would launch into their next song. Matt Shultz, the lead singer, was my favorite. He danced around the stage wildly, swinging his arms. Sticky sweat poured down his arms and chest leaving his green stripped tee stained. Matt leaned over me, crying from getting himself so worked up his tears splashed on my forehead with an addition of drool. He often dived into the crowd amid their chaotic set and the tech guy would have to reel out his microphone wire. He continued this for the duration of their set. “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked” was towards the end before Cage finished out with an encore. The encore included “In One Ear” which the crowd and I hollered the lyrics too, throwing our arms into the air as we sang, the music blaring in the background. “Saber-Tooth Tiger” followed and caused an outbreak of fangirls to climb onstage, only seeking attention and hugs from Matt. Cage The Elephant played thirteen songs altogether.

I can only begin to describe how infectious the energy of the concert was. I mean, if all three bands -from The Shakeltons, to Morning Teleportation, and the highlight of the night Cage The Elephant- can make my mom dance without feeling self conscious then you know it’s a damn good show. If I still smile at the thought of Matt leaning over me, singing to me then you can only imagine what this show was like.

And I am still smiling.


Hi blog!

November 18, 2009

Hello again, I am sorry for the short hiatus. I promise to try and write on here more often. Though, I haven’t abandoned the form of writing, no actually I have been writing a bunch of stories which I am still editing with the help of Jane. I have a few finished concert stories but I am still wavering if I should post any on this blog anymore, no one read them.

Anyway- yesterday was my birthday and I officially became a teenager, but I don’t feel much different. A family friend of mine, Kristy, called and wished me a happy birthday and said, “Dude like the whole time I’ve known you, you have been twenty-five.” That kind of made me smile because whenever I think of myself, I cannot come to terms with labeling myself with a number. Though, I don’t think very straight forward to start. Not saying that I am mental or anything, but I always have some new perspective or outlook on something. -Back to the birthday talk.- I received a new, purple To Write Love On Her Arms hoodie because I grew out of my by black one. It came with this sweet photo card of Aaron Gillespie wearing the “Wake Up, You’re Alive” tee. It made me really happy!

This past Saturday I saw Cage The Elephant and I ended up in the first row because everyone got there late. I was so happy because Matt kept leaning down on me while he sang since I was pressed into the dead center of the stage without a metal rail to hold me back. (Okay, maybe I’ll post that concert story.) I also saw Paramore again a week or two before that which was also very fun. And this Friday Kenzie, my cousin is coming back up to take me to see All Time Low on the Glamour Kills tour.

Other than that, school has been going alright. I have good grades and I have just began reading “The Hunger Games” for Language Arts. I honestly don’t talk to Taylor much anymore, but for you Hannah, I will. But I did meet another girl named Oahn who is really nice and outgoing. She was actually the first person to wish me a happy birthday on Monday.

I suppose that ends my post of ramblings. I don’t have much else to say other than listen to this.

All We Know Is Falling

November 5, 2009

I don’t understand. Why does everyone keep asking me the same question? I am fine. [Mostly.]

Neither do I understand why I feel this way. I know life is sad but it goes on. Though, it is so unjust and I can’t and won’t get over it. I feel like I could get sick. I should be fine, but I’m not. – And this is coming from the girl who dismisses everyone else’s feelings. I am sorry.

I am jealous. I don’t even remember her name, but I am jealous of her. Taylor is effortlessly cool and I want to be her best friend, not the other girl. Whenever I see them talking in the hall I avert my eyes and look down at my feet. I do not say a word to Taylor. Sure there is the occasional “hey” or “hi” when passing each other in the hall before class starts, but that is not the same as an actual conversation I that I have had with her seldom. Or maybe I just don’t have the guts. Like I said, she is effortlessly cool while I look at my feet and wish and hope.

I guess she probably won’t come see All Time Low with me because we haven’t even hung out. I daydream too much. Jenee, I know you found a girl as equally awesome in your old schools, but there aren’t any in mine. I am really not trying to be a downer, but whatever. I am just so frustrated with everything.

Like Paramore’s debut album, All We Know Is Falling.

Song of the Day – “Conspiracy” by Paramore

I am floating away

November 1, 2009

Goodbye Halloween. I was once excited to go trick-or-treating with my family. We used to practically power trick-or-treat, running from house to house. I always had a cool costume, too. Then when I got older I felt stupid going trick-or-treating with my family. Last year I went with a couple friends, but this year, this month has been rough.

I attempted to dress as Alex Gaskarth. It didn’t really work because his wardrobe is so similar to my usual wardrobe, but I did wear Nike high-tops and an over-sized beanie, but I couldn’t get the eyebrows right. Halloween just passed by this year. It didn’t matter to me, I was just shuffling my feet along the sidewalk with my parents. When we got home I didn’t even bother to put a movie in the DVD player. I went to bed and watched That 70’s Show like any other night.

Goodbye Halloween. I am sorry I have floated away from you but you’re just like everything else. I am just floating away.