I pretty get it.

January 18, 2010

Our new computer arrived! I have been a lump all day, though I enjoyed it because I spent most of today adding songs to my growing iTunes library. Before, I couldn’t access my iTunes without almost crashing our computer. Now I can fill it with hours and hours worth of music. (I have added and listened to your mixes Hannah! I really like the Cold War Kids, the Kooks, Lily Allen, the Decemberists, and Cobra Starship songs you added.) I have also been watching Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging on replay -and excuse me for being such a fangirl, but Aaron Johnson is probably the most dreamy boy I have ever seen. For me even to use the word “dreamy” signifies that he is in fact, very, very attractive.

There is no school tomorrow and I have planned to hang out at Barnes and Noble with one of my friends. We can go to the second floor and admire the cute, but slightly daft barista boy and I can look for a couple of Louise Rennison’s books. We could even walk down to Urban Outfitters and look at cardigans. Oh, tomorrow will be fun, but unfortunately I will have to return back to school on Tuesday. Gosh, when I think ahead to future days I feel a panic. I should really calm down.

I have also been checking Tumblr like a mad woman. I don’t have much else to say. I’m feeling pretty good. So I will end on this note.

Hubba hubba. :3

Are we all lost causes?

January 14, 2010

I don’t deserve anything I have. All the records I put forth my own money to purchase, my favorite grey sweater, and my favorite feather pillow with a deep green case. What have I ever done for anyone else?

I want to change the way I react to things. I know it is because of the build up of all the events of my day, but those feelings come out all wrong. Like tonight when I got mad at my little sister. I hurt her and she started crying and I had this smug grin spread my face. I’ll be honest- I am a bit sadistic, but I do feel bad afterwards. Though I know the next time I get mad my reaction won’t be much better. You can’t smother who you are, you can only bury it.

Today in geography class I heard about the earthquake in Haiti. (We are working on a writing piece about the earthquake.) Those people have nothing and suffer on a daily basis from poverty. They deserve what I have, a warm bed to sleep in, food on the table, and a cozy grey sweater. I know someone in that country is deserving of that.

Can you even believe it was a 7.0 earthquake? In geography class we looked at a map of tectonic plates and the earthquake wasn’t deep but Haiti was practically sitting on the Caribbean plate boundary so they got the worst of the plate shifting. And to think, they were just preparing for hurricane season when this hit. It’s estimated over 3 million people were killed, injured, or trapped underneath buildings. One of the worst parts, every single road is blocked and there is hardly anything we can do at the moment with an aftershock soon to hit.

When I told the news to my parents, trying to start conversation or debate the topic, the news didn’t seem to bother them at all. And that crushed me. I feel horrible and nothing has even happened to me. Now I sit here hoping the sound of Stephen Christian’s voice in “*Fin” will soothe me.

“Empty is the sky before the sun wakes up.
Empty is the eyes of the animals in the cages.
Empty are the faces of women in mourning
when everything has be taken from them.
Me? Don’t ask me about empty.” – Chiodos

Cigarettes only look lovely in photos.

January 11, 2010

I feel like rambling. When I write on my blog it makes me think someone is actually listening to me for once. It is so pointless talking to anyone whenever I have something important to say. They don’t listen. I believe that is why I enjoy writing so much, because even though no one may be reading I feel that someone may be reading. I know that my family and friends love me but they make me feel like I’m not important enough to be heard. So my goal this year is to find an amazing friend, and especially a friend who is a good listener.

School is back in session, after a whole extra week off because of mass amounts of snow. While I was putting my bag away in my locker everyone else was screaming and hugging each other. It made me think, are you honestly excited to be back here? I didn’t mind being away from my friends. We are not the same people we were in grade 1. I want to let go, but they are like a band-aid that is stuck to the hair on my arm. I should pull it off quick though that would be useless at this school full of clones that would treat me worse. – Okay E can be better at times.

School is just so overwhelming. Sometimes I could be the school’s valedictorian who studies hard and has math as my forte and well as English. But the other half of me doesn’t want to do anything regarding school. The kids are mean and I absolutely loathe math class because I feel like such a dumbass. But whatever, you know.

I want summer to be here. I want to run in the heat, and meet a nice stranger at a concert, and visit Kenzie, and earn money, and go shopping, and enjoy Warped Tour.

In music news: I have been listening to Circa Survive lately. This is my favorite song of theirs. http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#Stop%20The%20Fuckin’%20Car

“Your face is light and cocaine white.”