The Oath

March 25, 2010

I feel pretty alright this week. There were moments of the day when I felt uneasy, but honestly I think it’s impossible to go about your day without having one bad feeling. So let’s review the events so far.

On Monday I met Elisha at the HOLY Mountain show.  HOLY Mountain’s set was sublime. When I listen to their music it puts me in a space somewhere between bliss and oblivion. Even as a slip further away, I hold on by a tiny thread as their soft, intangible guitars play on. I counted the time and kept the beat when one of the guys pounded on the two separate drums.  I almost felt lucid.

Jane took me to the show and suffered through the second band’s set, which I greatly appreciate her for sticking it out with me. Elisha seems like a pretty wholesome guy. Jane and I were sitting and making small talk while I was waiting for Elisha to appear at their merchandise table. When I finally spotted him he walked over to me and asked, “What’s your name?” He smelled of smoke and spice.  “Phoenix,” I said and he handed me a rolled-up T-shirt. I asked him how he guessed and he said he recognized me from the OP show (where there was something like twenty kids). The second band was still blasting their retched music when I was talking to Elisha so he told me to find him when it was quieter. Anyway, after the band finished their set we talked a little more about music. Jane listed names of people she knew from the Star to contact and then Elisha asked, “Did you get here early?”
“Kinda sorta, not really,” I told him. Then he said, “Well if you ever wanna come to one of our shows just like email me, or AIM whatever, and I can get you on my guest list.” I felt truly honored even if HOLY Mountain is a local band. Then he finished, “All the other guys’ lists are usually filled up but mine isn’t ‘cause ya know,” he laughed and looked at the floor.

Tuesday I stayed after school for the Scholars Bowl trivia practice. I felt so daft compared to the other kids buzzing in to answer (most of them were history questions). Not much happened.

Today after dinner Max and I wrote a sacred oath to the goddesses Athena and Artemis asking of them to grant us a quest to find the labyrinth and the Golden Fleece. We asked for them to loan us their wisdom, bravery, and strength so we could complete the quest. Then we signed the oath with blood, burned the corners, then rolled it up and put it in an empty Jones Soda bottle (I have to say it looks really, really rad). We won’t know until next Wednesday who will be the third member to join us on our quest.

Song of the Day – Too Bright To See, To Loud To Hear by Underoath (it’s a click througfh link)

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Cobra bless party

March 13, 2010

Listening to Cobra Starship makes me extremely happy. When they streamed their live performance in Seattle or wherever for the Christmas radio show I cranked the volume up super loud. All my family had gone to sleep while I danced around, by myself to Cobra Starship. My mom actually had to come downstairs and ask me to turn the volume down. Cobra Starship is going to be touring with 3OH!3 in May and I want to go to their date scheduled here.

I am quite glad it is Friday. I am one week closer to the Manchester Orchestra concert next Friday and 10 days closer to the HOLY Mountain concert and two weeks closer to spring break. I have escaped from my ridiculously irking math teacher, but owe her homework on Monday. I have escaped the clutches of my strict geography teacher and the tense atmosphere in her classroom. I have escaped PE because well, PE really sucks and my couch seems not to be very emotionally strong. And I have escaped science class and all the F’s I have received this week (probably lowering my grade to a C).

Tonight I feel like settling down and detoxing from another not so great week by watching Across The Universe (I feel like singing along to “With A Little Help From My Friends”). M has constantly been telling me how “different” and “strange” I have been acting and correcting my every word. I’m just like, STFU.

 Why is everyone so fucking offended by my actions and joking around? I mean I don’t even make rude jokes all I’m doing is dancing around and having fun. Sometimes it’s good to loosen up, and I just take every day like it’s a party (but not really). But whatever I guess.

I know this weekend will go by quick, but it’s worth the short break.


“I haven’t smiled since the day you went away.”

March 10, 2010

Thank the gods for me listening to happy music because otherwise the nightmares might really throw a sucker-punch to my face. Let’s go back to the beginning.

Out of the blue, Monday night I had a bad nightmare. The type where you are so consumed by fear you want to crawl into a hole and die. In the first nightmare I was constantly trying to run away from a man who I somehow knew was a rapist. After a while I couldn’t find anything else to protect me. The fear was too great and all I wanted to do was kill it. I know this will sound really horrible, but I felt like if I killed myself the fear would go away and he wouldn’t be able to get me. The second nightmare was practically a new rendition of the last one. In the second nightmare, I dreamt that our friend wanted to go see a movie with me. She was coming to get me when the rapist got a hold of her. As Percy Jackson would say, I woke up with a start.

I used to hate sleeping because I felt it was a waste of time. I have always had the worst dreams; dreams involving zombies and kidnappers, most everything I fear. For a while I stopped dreaming. I had completely forgotten what it was like to wake from a nightmare either in a cold sweat or shaking. Now I remember and I never want to sleep.

Song of the Day – Distant Heart by Mindy White (it’s a youtube click through link)


Whoever she is.

March 8, 2010

I would like to set a goal for myself and for anyone who wants to tag along. All this week I will listen to only happy music. I will admit I sold out and began listening to Never Shout Never, but that is only because I read his article in AP magazine (he seems like a really nice, incredibly cool person). Today is a start because I got off the bus and the spring feeling filled me up like a glass of water, washing away any bad feelings. The first song that popped into my head as I began to walk down the sidewalk was “This Is The End” by The Maine, so I sang the words to myself and smiled. It made me happy just hearing John Ohh’s voice inside my head.

It is about 63 degrees outside and sunny with a slight overcast sky and a cooling breeze. The best type of weather I would say: cardigan weather. – When I reached my front porch I found my dad sitting there reading a book. I walked into the house and smiled at the reflection of my wildly curly hair and then placed my copy of The Maine’s Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop album into my CD player. I have begun to think of music in seasons and I can tell you The Maine sound so much like spring. The grass is starting to green and small flowers coil around fences only to be picked up and set in little girls’ hair.

I received several hugs today from Trinh and Taylor and reminisced with M and A about our day yesterday gallivanting around the neighborhood. (We walked over to The Sweet Guy and picked up gelatos, stopped at two parks, had a duel with the plastic and wooden swords I brought over, were chased by our younger brothers on scooters, told jokes about Geico Car Insurance, and made a sanctuary.) School wasn’t so bad and thankfully my science class didn’t have to make up the quiz about electricity and whatnot.

Right now while I am still listening to The Maine I just want to run or have someone to dance with. I am really hoping to the goddess Athena and even the titan Cronus that something good will come of this weather. I need something good in my life that will lift these heavy spirits. There are too many people and good friends that I know who are extremely depressed right now. Who knows maybe Elisha from HOLY Mountain will introduce me to some cool people (who are NOT annoying and immature) who just get music. Or maybe nothing will happen and I will just talk to him with Jane after their show on the 22nd.

“She could be rainy days, minimum wage, a book that ends with no last page. Whoever she is, whoever she may be one thing’s for sure, you don’t have to worry.” – The Maine