January 15, 2011
Hey readers, I realize I haven’t updated lately. That’s because I’ve been writing on other private blogs and in my journal. These past four months have been extremely stressful since I’ve moved to a small town and had to learn how to make new friends (which is still a work in progress) and get comfortable with this change of setting. I thought since a new year has begun and it seemed as if I’d abandoned this blog, I’d make a new one that I would update regularly. If you’d like the link just comment and I’ll send it to ya.
I hope all is well.
August 13, 2010
I like this picture a lot. I’d also like a film camera.
March 10, 2010
Thank the gods for me listening to happy music because otherwise the nightmares might really throw a sucker-punch to my face. Let’s go back to the beginning.
Out of the blue, Monday night I had a bad nightmare. The type where you are so consumed by fear you want to crawl into a hole and die. In the first nightmare I was constantly trying to run away from a man who I somehow knew was a rapist. After a while I couldn’t find anything else to protect me. The fear was too great and all I wanted to do was kill it. I know this will sound really horrible, but I felt like if I killed myself the fear would go away and he wouldn’t be able to get me. The second nightmare was practically a new rendition of the last one. In the second nightmare, I dreamt that our friend wanted to go see a movie with me. She was coming to get me when the rapist got a hold of her. As Percy Jackson would say, I woke up with a start.
I used to hate sleeping because I felt it was a waste of time. I have always had the worst dreams; dreams involving zombies and kidnappers, most everything I fear. For a while I stopped dreaming. I had completely forgotten what it was like to wake from a nightmare either in a cold sweat or shaking. Now I remember and I never want to sleep.
Song of the Day – Distant Heart by Mindy White (it’s a youtube click through link)
December 13, 2009
For me, I find spending my money therapeutic. I will wait until I have at least $100 and burn a whole in my pocket, spending almost every last cent. I am an obsessive power shopper who can’t stand to save her money. – I will tell it to you straight. I do not have a bank account. I do not have money saved. I earn my money babysitting. I have no money saved for college. My parents are broke. I am now broke.
I am a greedy person who spends too freely. I am a hopeless shopaholic and I hate it. I am an impulse buyer, though most of the time I like what I purchase I need to slow down. I still want more, and for that I am greedy. I have a desire to replace all of my old with new. I really need to slow down. Take my money away from me, hide it away and lock it up.
I think I do this because when I am shopping it takes my mind off of things or gives me something to do. When I get this explanation it only reinforces the fact that I NEED new friends. Friends that aren’t family, friends that aren’t too much older than me, friends that have similar music tastes and me, friends that aren’t afraid to look like dorks, friends who are okay with themselves, friends that stick with me, friends that talk to me, and most importantly, friends that I feel comfortable around and enjoy hanging out with. – After this I feel silly for acting so weirdly desperate.
So teach me, how do you find people you know you want to be friends with?
December 8, 2009
If you’re a bird, then I am a bird.
The song “We Are Birds” has been on replay in my head all evening. Brighten are another one of my recent loves. Justin Richards has such an angelic voice, it’s so cooing and sweet. Yet at the same time this song has a tinge of sadness when you hear it. It is a love song, but hear a slight catch in Justin’s voice. The guitar is strumming softly in the background.
This song fits me perfectly. There is always a catch. I will keep living, I will keep walking, but everyday is a replay a shadow of the last one. Same routine, same plan. Just make it another day and you’ll be fine. When this all blows over you will be glad you made it through. Anne, I wish you would have waited. I still look back. While most of us are rebounding, Max and Eva won’t and they never fully will. Jane, I am listening to you. I will not let this sadness become me and I have gotten over most of it. Though similar to “We Are Birds” there is still a pinch of sadness.
I smile when I think of the Meet The Robinsons motto, “Keep moving forward.” As you may have noticed this post is an endeavor of self encouragement. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself or give you any bullshit about being “depressed” because that is not what I am doing at all. No in fact, I find comfort in writing out what I feel and since I have not written on this blog o’ mine recently, I decided why not put this post out.
Anyway I would love if everyone who read this post will listen to these two songs. \”We Are Birds\” Mindy White (cover) and \”We Are Birds\” by Brighten. (click the words, it’s a click-through link)
November 22, 2009
I don’t want to attend school tomorrow. Sure I only have two days of school this week, but tomorrow I have three tests and I am procrastinating because I hate the very thought of homework. It’s alright, the day is still young.
I am looking forward to the five day weekend that is coming up. Thanksgiving is a nice holiday, but I don’t care much for it. As long as I have a peanut butter and nutella sandwich I’m fine. I have a little spending money and I really should save it, but I’m no good at that so I will instead spend some of it. I was thinking about buying a book called “Look For Alaska” by John Green and I don’t know what else, maybe something from Urban Outfitters. I mainly like being out of the house.
I am trying to write my concert story about the All Time Low show I was at Friday night. It was great, but I just want to rush into the part where I met Travis and Hunter from We he Kings and Zack and Alex from All Time Low. It was a great show and I have not sweat that much since I was at Warped Tour.
I saw New Moon yesterday afternoon. It was a lot better than Twilight, but it was still a bit cheesy. What annoyed me most was Bella and Edward’s loud kissing, that was just gross. I think I am team Jacob, now but I may still be Switzerland. After the movie I went straight to babysitting, but it was alright because I ended up earning thirty-five dollars.
I have been listening to music of course and to welcome the winter that will soon be here I have picked out a song for you all to sing along to. Here ya go.
November 18, 2009
Hello again, I am sorry for the short hiatus. I promise to try and write on here more often. Though, I haven’t abandoned the form of writing, no actually I have been writing a bunch of stories which I am still editing with the help of Jane. I have a few finished concert stories but I am still wavering if I should post any on this blog anymore, no one read them.
Anyway- yesterday was my birthday and I officially became a teenager, but I don’t feel much different. A family friend of mine, Kristy, called and wished me a happy birthday and said, “Dude like the whole time I’ve known you, you have been twenty-five.” That kind of made me smile because whenever I think of myself, I cannot come to terms with labeling myself with a number. Though, I don’t think very straight forward to start. Not saying that I am mental or anything, but I always have some new perspective or outlook on something. -Back to the birthday talk.- I received a new, purple To Write Love On Her Arms hoodie because I grew out of my by black one. It came with this sweet photo card of Aaron Gillespie wearing the “Wake Up, You’re Alive” tee. It made me really happy!
This past Saturday I saw Cage The Elephant and I ended up in the first row because everyone got there late. I was so happy because Matt kept leaning down on me while he sang since I was pressed into the dead center of the stage without a metal rail to hold me back. (Okay, maybe I’ll post that concert story.) I also saw Paramore again a week or two before that which was also very fun. And this Friday Kenzie, my cousin is coming back up to take me to see All Time Low on the Glamour Kills tour.
Other than that, school has been going alright. I have good grades and I have just began reading “The Hunger Games” for Language Arts. I honestly don’t talk to Taylor much anymore, but for you Hannah, I will. But I did meet another girl named Oahn who is really nice and outgoing. She was actually the first person to wish me a happy birthday on Monday.
I suppose that ends my post of ramblings. I don’t have much else to say other than listen to this.