Did we all fall down?

June 30, 2009

I was listening to “Desert Song” by My Chemical Romance and that song completely renewed my love for them. I like The Black Parade and Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, but those two albums just aren’t the same as I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love. Raw emotion is spilled into each song, and Gerard’s voice sounds amazing. He sounds angry and well… unhappy; if that’s what it takes to write a sad song then My Chem do a pretty good job. (Especially in “Early Sunsets Over Monroeville” which is definitely one of my favorites.)

Sometimes I like lying on the disgusting carpeted floor in my room. I’m either listening to music or thinking. When I heard the sound of the E minor cord on guitar I knew it could be none other than “Desert Song”. Gerard’s voice sounding deep comes in letting each word drag on. And let me just say, the word “morgue” never sounded so appealing until I heard this song. No, it isn’t just because Gerard was singing it, but he sort of romanticized death in this song. He sounded wonderfully pained if that doesn’t sound too confusing.

Well after all, we’ll lie another day
And through it all, we’ll find some other way
To carry on through cartilage and fluid
Well did you come to stare or wash away the blood?

later going on to

From the lights to the pavement
From the van to the floor
From backstage to the doctors
From the earth to the morgue,
Morgue,
Morgue,
Morgue.

There isn’t a meaning to this post, I was only sharing my opinion.


It remains a mystery.

June 13, 2009

6/12/09

This week has been tiring. Waking up at six in the morning to attend summer school. Though this summer school is really just an orientation to prepare me for the new school year, I am no fan. Each day in PE I have had to do ninety crunches, ten or more push-ups, wall squats, running (but that was pretty easy and surprisingly fun) and today an exersize called six inches. I can handle the crunches but those darn push-ups make my wee little arms wobble. Yes, I do have muscles, but they aren’t massive.
The school days are fairly short (they end at 12:20 PM) yet there is still the bus ride home. I don’t even have any idea how many kids ride my bus, but it can take up to an hour for me to make it safely back to my front door. The bus driver is no help. Whenever she nears my house she passes it up for another stop farther away. That annoys me. A lot. All I can say right now is thank gawd for Fridays!!

I sighed in relief when I got home. I just wanted some time to myself, to think. Extra time to listen to my favorite albums and more importantly, time to write!

I was on the computer this afternoon, checking my email when my mother suggested she would take me to the mall. Or should I say Hot Topic? I was excited to spend the last of my money because I am no good at saving it, and I had enough for a T-shirt or two. If any of you have read some of my previous posts, the first thing that came to mind was Eli. I have never seen him there on a Friday night, but it’s summer time now, schedules change, so you never know. I won’t lie, my heart did feel a little odd. It felt like it sped up for a second.

I walked into Hot Topic wearing my new plaid, blue and pink, button-down Urban Outfitters shirt. (I was glad I could wear my fancy new shirt out.) I didn’t know what I was looking for in Hot Topic. I hadn’t been into Hot Topic for ages it seemed. But I did have a Kings Of Leon shirt in mind. This winter someone *cough, cough* Lance *cough, cough* told me they didn’t like Kings Of Leon. I acted mock appalled and “gasped”. You see, I like irony so the next time I see him with his kids I’ll say, “Oh yeah, KINGS OF LEON BABY!” and point to my shirt. Ironic, eh?

I looked around the store, no Eli. I was almost affraid he didn’t work there anymore (and I still am actually). So I browsed the CD section and eyed the employee picks intensely. I couldn’t see Eli’s name anywhere. It’s not like I talk to him or anything, but it would be nice to see a cute guy’s face every once and a while. To see his clammy pale face matched with dark brown, almost black hair. Sweet eyes and golden eyelashes. His slight frame and dare I say swagger? This may sound creepy, but if a guy you think is cute kinda likes you too that’s not so bad (or at least acts like he likes you). I can easily say I am a hopeless romantic, but I’m not searching for love. Not at this age, no friggen’ way man.

I waked out of Hot Topic with the Kings Of Leon shirt (it even has their faces on it) and an Emily The Strange leopard print tank top. (It seems HT has stopped selling Zotz. Oh, how I will miss those dear Zotz.)
I talked my mom into purchasing a fabulous pair or Baker heels. They have a jeweled cuff around the ankle that almost look like bracelets. They look like those beads you can find in the ocean in Mexico. I think she is happy, she hasn’t splurged on shoes lately.

What my point is, it remains a mystery to me if “Mr. Eli Cullen” is or is not still and employee working at Hot Topic.


The Little Things

February 2, 2009

Today I was at least hopeful, and not completely negative. In fact I was secretly excited to go to PE, but keep that a secret. I’m trying hard to focus on my work when Sarah, Veronica, and I get to talking about the Katy Perry concert. Veronica: “I really want to go, but my mom says no since it’s at a bar. But I might get to see The Killers!” My heart sinks. I cannot remember if I spilled the beans or what, but I pray to god that the tickets will soon be sold out before she gets her hands on them. Me: “Oh.” That was all I managed to say. Veronica is barely a Killers fan; I wish I could strangle her right now. I come back with, “Yeah, I love The Killers. I have all their albums.” I understand that was a total cat-ish thing to do, but to be honest, that was what I was aiming for. Yeah, yeah, she knows one song. In my book, that is called a poseur fan. You might not understand how it can get under my skin so much, but I like doing things on my own. Without friends to ask to “hang out” with me when all they do insult me.

 Sarah speaks, “Phoenixx don’t take this the wrong way, but my brother thinks-” I finish for her, “That I’m to young to go to Warped Tour. I know, you told me.” She goes on about how he said I was too young to go to concerts, listen to this kind of music, “besides I might think I know what they are talking about, but I really don’t”. Now, the last of that sentence was a quote. All I could think was, WHY DOES HE (YOU) ****ING CARE?!?!?! It’s not like it is any of his business. Note to self: Never speak of any concerts near my “friends”… ever. This is one reason why I love to isolate myself from everyone. Just when I’ve dusted myself back off, they bite back with words. I reply to Sarah, “What I am I supposed to listen to, Hannah Montana?!?!?!” I wish I could scream in her face. In fact both of them, but I’ve got a “good girl” reputation and I wish I could show them my venom.

 Later that day Madeline comes over to me, “Phoeni, I can’t believe you are gonna bail on me with the Katy Perry concert!” I’m sorry, but I would like to save my money for other concerts and merchandise money. I reply to her, “I’m sorry, but I wanted to see The Killers.” “Yeah, but still.” she continues. I respond, “Yeah, but it’s THE KILLERS.” Veronica was sitting next to me. Of course then she starts talking about bands, which leads to a dream she had, which leads to money. With that someone asks what she would do with the money. Veronica: “Um, go to concerts, buy clothes, shoes.” Go to concerts was her first answer. I know for a fact she wouldn’t even have thought about it if I hadn’t brought it up. God, why do I have to be such an idiot?!

I suppose, I shouldn’t get mad over things so little as these, but it’s the little things that make me itch.


A Tale of Eli Cullen

January 26, 2009

Sundays are usually quite “depressing”. Knowing that you’ll have to go back to school the next day, not being able to stay up past midnight *sigh*.  Today went surprisingly well. I woke up early to go babysit at ten. They had a friend over so they payed me extra for the two hours I was at their house. I already had made fifty dollars in the past week so I was doing quite well on cash. I decided I’d make a trip down to Hot Topic once I arrived home. I hadn’t been there since before Christmas and I was excited to finally be able to purchase the Chiodos’ Bone Palace Ballet album.

I wore a a flowy, black, knee length, skirt with a pair of my tightest, purple tiger print, skinny jeans. My We The Kings shirt that reads, “I LOVE Red Heads” and my black with pink flamingos, slip on vans. (Not that it really matters what I was wearing, just thought I’d add that.)

I walk into Hot Topic with a rush of other kids. My stomach is doing flips. Why? You may ask. Do you remember my tales of the tall, thin, shiny black haired, clammy pale, cute guy in a pair of skinny jeans I told you about? I see him, staying calm (on the outside of course) I look up at the display of T-shirts. Walking towards the back of Hot Topic the guy with curly hair, David, recognizes me and says hello or, “Hey,” to be exact. I say hey right back to him with a friendly half smile.

Looking at the CD section I grab a copy of Chiodos’ Bone Palace Ballet. He comes closer. I’m squealing on the inside, relax Phoenixx, deep breaths. While I’m browsing records (nothing really strikes me) he comes over and asks, “Need help looking for a record?” It takes me a moment to reply, but I don’t stutter. “Um, no thanks.” as I flash him my Chiodos CD. I walk around the small cramped in space of Hot Topic, he walks near me.

Most of my time spent in Hot Topic is spent window shopping, having an undecided feeling on what I should or shouldn’t buy. Don’t you hate it when that happens?? I keep pacing through the store like always. He is still following me. Creepy? Maybe, could I say creepy in a good way? I notice he is wearing a green To Write Love On Her Arms T-shirt but of course skinny jeans, eyeliner? Yes. Whatever. It might be weird, but he is still very cute. My mother finds little Hello Kitty items for my younger sister’s upcoming birthday. She shows me Emily The Strange barrettes which are cute, though I’d rather not spend the eight dollars on. All of a sudden I feel a warmth rush to my face. Crap, I’m blushing. My ears and cheeks are a shade of scarlet, like I said, he might be Edward Cullen after all.

I spy a Joker shirt. It is gray and has his makeup smeared face on it and his hand in which he is holding a card that has Batman on it. Wandering over to a Watchmen jacket. I check the price, $ 48.00 dollars, ouch! Maybe another time. (While wandering I found out my favorite HT guy was named Eli.) I finally settle on the Chiodos Bone Palace Ballet: Grand Coda album and two strings of Zotz (watermelon and apple, yum!). David and a girl I do not recognize are up at the counter. David leaves and Eli comes to the counter. I go over to his side of the line, joyful. Then the girl asks, “Next person in line?” Aw, crap. I am very bummed as the lucky girl who was behind me gets rung up by Eli. I pay for my sister’s Hello Kitty junk, Emily The Strange barrettes (I decided I’d wear them), and my Chiodos album with a twenty dollar bill.