Birthday wishes

August 26, 2010

Today is my little brother Val’s birthday as well as our old friend Ian, and the musician Craig Owens.

After Craig was booted from Chiodos I was –this is very, very cliche but– heartbroken. They really had something good going for them. Chiodos are still alright but those sparks will never burn as bright, burn as big. I still follow his solo project and listen to his other deceased projects such as Cinematic Sunrise and Isles & Glaciers. But it seems he is still growing musically and as a person because he posts updates of his new band and self-help quotes on Twitter.

Craig has been one of my heros lyrically for a short while. I think I started listening to Chiodos at the beginning of 2009, though I wish I could have bragging rights over say, three years. Chiodos as a combined effort changed the way I listened to music; by that time I was far from my Disney roots. Today the harder or faster music I’m listening to is mainly from the likes of Set Your Goals, Four Year Strong, A Day To Remember, Pierce The Veil, and Underoath. Chiodos was like a gateway drug into this fascinatingly insane music — I think I can say I have warped roots now. Craig’s voice was piercingly highpitched but he never failed to come back with a growl. I loved how he could sing the most hateful, blunt, heartfelt, and truly creative lyrics yet they could sound so beautiful. His voice is a gift and that he chose to share it and connect with people through music is an accidental accomplishment.

I support whatever he continues to do with his mucial career and hope that some day I meet him so I can tell him all of this. 

“No Hardcore Dancing In The Living Room” will always be my favorite.

***Love you Val!


So long, farewell.

April 6, 2010

 I am quite sad. I absolutely love Aaron Gillespie to death and since I do, I will support him in anything he chooses to do with his music. Though sadly, he is no longer going to be a part of Underoath. I love Underoath as a whole and so if any of members were to leave it wouldn’t feel complete, and Aaron was a big part of UO for me. UO have a way of capturing you, it’s like a hurricame of sound swallowing you up. And then Aaron comes in with his soothing voice. — That moment when I was backstage at Warped Tour during the song “It’s Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door” when Aaron slamed his drum sticks against the drum for that quick solo before he sings, I’m drowning in my sleep. I’m drowning in my sleep. The crowd became still for those few moments to sing along. That was the best moment of my entire life.

I do know Aaron is still playing music with The Almost. They are great but not greater than UO. No, definitely not greater than Underoath. I have met Aaron twice, at my first and only UO show and then at an Almost show. He is one of the nicest people. He writes and plays completely amazing music, but I will miss him in Underoath. I just don’t think it’s fair that I didn’t get another chance to see Aaron with Underoath, but I suppose it’s like Craig Ownes when he was booted from Chiodos. Though, this seems like a nicer departure that the group talked about. Not just a phone call.

p.s. I like your music. p.s. I’ll see you in my town soon! p.s. Aaron, I love you too. :)

Song of the Day – It\’s Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door by Underoath


Are we all lost causes?

January 14, 2010

I don’t deserve anything I have. All the records I put forth my own money to purchase, my favorite grey sweater, and my favorite feather pillow with a deep green case. What have I ever done for anyone else?

I want to change the way I react to things. I know it is because of the build up of all the events of my day, but those feelings come out all wrong. Like tonight when I got mad at my little sister. I hurt her and she started crying and I had this smug grin spread my face. I’ll be honest- I am a bit sadistic, but I do feel bad afterwards. Though I know the next time I get mad my reaction won’t be much better. You can’t smother who you are, you can only bury it.

Today in geography class I heard about the earthquake in Haiti. (We are working on a writing piece about the earthquake.) Those people have nothing and suffer on a daily basis from poverty. They deserve what I have, a warm bed to sleep in, food on the table, and a cozy grey sweater. I know someone in that country is deserving of that.

Can you even believe it was a 7.0 earthquake? In geography class we looked at a map of tectonic plates and the earthquake wasn’t deep but Haiti was practically sitting on the Caribbean plate boundary so they got the worst of the plate shifting. And to think, they were just preparing for hurricane season when this hit. It’s estimated over 3 million people were killed, injured, or trapped underneath buildings. One of the worst parts, every single road is blocked and there is hardly anything we can do at the moment with an aftershock soon to hit.

When I told the news to my parents, trying to start conversation or debate the topic, the news didn’t seem to bother them at all. And that crushed me. I feel horrible and nothing has even happened to me. Now I sit here hoping the sound of Stephen Christian’s voice in “*Fin” will soothe me.

“Empty is the sky before the sun wakes up.
Empty is the eyes of the animals in the cages.
Empty are the faces of women in mourning
when everything has be taken from them.
Me? Don’t ask me about empty.” – Chiodos


Comfort always made the rescue

September 26, 2009

I can barely stand to write about this right now for I feel I might just cry. Why oh why did Chiodos kick Craig Owens out of the band?! I only found out about this today, though it happened recently. Craig Owens WAS Chiodos. How could they kick him out just like that? So many times I turned to their music when I was feeling upset. Especially their song “No Hardcore Dancing In The Living Room”. Craig’s voice was what set Chiodos apart from every other band. (Though, I must say, the piano pieces were also very beautiful and Jason’s guitar riffs and hooks were pretty insane.)

I was on Polyvore looking at some girl’s set and she had commented that Chiodos kicked Craig out of the band. I thought I knew for sure this was a silly rumor. So I Googled it. Then I knew it was true when I saw that Alternative Press had covered this story. I read the article in shock, while inside I really did want to cry. I ran upstairs and yelled, “IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD.” My dad gave me a funny look then resumed watching something on TV. I ran into the kitchen and repeated myself, hoping my mom would ask what was wrong so I could rant.

I told my mom Craig had been booted from Chiodos and I ranted. All the while I told her this I almost started crying with sad, angry tears. How in the world could they make a new record and then decide that Craig can no longer be a part of it? How is that even fair?

Craig, I want to let you know that whenever you are touring with Isles and Glaciers or Cinematic Sunrise or even a solo tour and you happen to stop by Kansas City, I will be there to support you and your music. Though, nothing will ever be as amazing or the same as Chiodos. When Chiodos included you and Derrick Frost, you were the world to me. The old Chiodos still means the world to me. Now every time I shall listen to a Chiodos record, there will be a sadness left over.


We’re screaming at the same moon.

August 20, 2009

Craig Owens’s screaming is calming me down right now. It’s keeping me in the clouds. His screaming does two things for me. Either I want to headbang to the sound of Chiodos’s music or I want to go to relax to it. Not that it’s boring, but that it calms me down and puts me in a mixture of reality and fiction. It’s like I could pretend I feel the same way as Craig did after his first love broke his heart (thus he wrote an album about her). Yet this time I feel more like the instrumental rather than the lyrics. It’s like when I was listening to Brand New’s Déjà Entendu record.

Press my face up against the glass
with both eyelids shut and
baby this won’t get any easier
baby this won’t get any easier
baby this won’t get any easier

I’ll lie on the dirty carpeting in my room (that can’t be fixed unless we were willing to pay for new wood floors) and breathe. I like taking deep breaths because it makes me feel a little better. It takes some of the frustration away. — I sound cheesy again. — When I push all the frustration back I feel like and old toy disguised as a new one.

It’s not a big deal. It has been three weeks since my last guitar lesson but I’m mad at myself. This is part of learning, but I am always angry at myself for not knowing what he might throw at me. School starts next week. I was supposed to read two non-fiction books from a list they sent me. I lost the list and didn’t read the books. I have to be tested on them. I guess I’m just looking for more stuff to mope about.

We all have our good days and our bad days, yesterday was a mixture of the two.

Song Of The Day – “No Hardcore Dancing In The Living Room” by Chiodos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJCX_Nit388

chiodos lyrics


We’ve got a big mess on our hands

July 7, 2009

Damn, guilt.

How do you uninvite someone to go somewhere with you? Like the Vans Warped Tour, perhaps? Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut? I was looking to take someone my age, or a little older, but not her. We like a couple of the same bands but I just can’t see myself at a Chiodos set with her. I can’t see myself meeting John O’Callaghan from The Maine with her either.

Maybe her mom won’t let her go, but that’s selfish of me, isn’t it? Though this isn’t just anyone, this is Sarah. Sarah and I… we aren’t the same. We are friends but we are very different people. This is the girl likes to start arguments over silly misunderstandings, the girl who called me a bitch. I know those things are over and done with now, but I’m mainly just searching for excuses. I guess I shouldn’t bother inviting anyone to Warped Tour. Everything I say is a mess.

If I don’t bring it up again, maybe nothing will happen. I should just stick to keeping my concerts a secret from my friends like I did during the school year. If that’s going to work MY MOTHER needs to keep her mouth shut and stop bragging to people about it. I like to keep things secret, understood? What am I going to do?

In the words of William Beckett,
We’ve got a big, big mess on our hands tonight
Somebody get my phone so I can throw it in a public pool
and watch it float
And as it’s slowly sinking down become a social ghost


Be Somebody

March 4, 2009

If I had to choose one song to die to, I would never be able to choose. Thursday’s “Understanding In a Car Crash” is just so perfect to me. Almost like poetry. The lyrics are just so brutal and beautiful. The guitar puts you on edge as goosebumps crawl up and down your arms and legs. Hot tears bubbling at your eyes; deep breaths.

So push the seats back a little further
Roll the windows down and take a breath
I can see the headlights coming
They paint the world in red and broken glass
The spinning hubcaps set the tempo for
the music of a broken window
When the lights are on and the cameras click
We open up the lens to broken glass and it’s over in a flash

Or another favorite of mine is “The Scientist” by Coldplay. The lyrics, Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it would be so hard. ring in my ears like they are something to live by. Honestly, living is the hard part, death could be rather easy. You just die. That’s it. Everything. Gone. Over. Nothing more than that. Now Lovedrug’s “Doomsday and the Echo” is oh so lovely. I adore every last lyric to this song. I cannot even begin to explain how much I love it. “Everything Starts Where it Ends” is brilliant as well, though there is something about “Doomsday and the Echo” that makes me itch over each sentence as though I should be analyzing it.

Can’t walk it off
Can’t come clean
               Later going on to…

Hey, just woke up and already I’m a losing
Messed up everything again
Drink up, pass the gun again
Hey, just woke up and already I’m a losing
Messed up everyone again
Someone pass the gun again

I got to thinking about this subject after thinking I was a failure. Playing guitar is one of my dreams and I have to succeed at it. Guitar lessons have been going… not so good. At least I don’t feel I’ve been doing nearly good enough. I want to friggen’ shred! I want to riff and rock. I want to be up on stage, sweat dripping from my body. Being a phenomenal performer such as Jason Hale or Jimi Hendrix. The spectacular sound as well, maybe the cleanest you’ve ever heard? I want to be the best of the best. Each lesson I’d like to be told I am amazing at guitar even if I am still a beginner. I would love for those words to be spoken honest and truthful. I guess plan “B”, which is writing, is what I should try to shoot for, for now. I’ll do my best to improve my writing each and every day. Giving every writing assignment 110% percent whether it is stupid or not. As most have you have heard the saying, “No problem.” let me introduce a new one to you all. No promises. 

Reader,  I don’t fully understand myself either, but leaving earth with a sad song just seems like a good way to go. When I die I want to be cremated, I want my (Alleged I suppose. Though trust me, Kat Von D IS going to tattoo me.) tattoos to tell my story before I am burned to ashes. I want them to play one of my song choices for death. I want to be remembered.

Current song of choice at the moment, “The Undertaker’s Thirst For Revenge Is Unquenchable (The Final Battle)” by Chiodos.

And all the world’s a stage
I existed because I dreamed
And well, I dream no more
I’ve given up on the entire human race


A Tale of Eli Cullen

January 26, 2009

Sundays are usually quite “depressing”. Knowing that you’ll have to go back to school the next day, not being able to stay up past midnight *sigh*.  Today went surprisingly well. I woke up early to go babysit at ten. They had a friend over so they payed me extra for the two hours I was at their house. I already had made fifty dollars in the past week so I was doing quite well on cash. I decided I’d make a trip down to Hot Topic once I arrived home. I hadn’t been there since before Christmas and I was excited to finally be able to purchase the Chiodos’ Bone Palace Ballet album.

I wore a a flowy, black, knee length, skirt with a pair of my tightest, purple tiger print, skinny jeans. My We The Kings shirt that reads, “I LOVE Red Heads” and my black with pink flamingos, slip on vans. (Not that it really matters what I was wearing, just thought I’d add that.)

I walk into Hot Topic with a rush of other kids. My stomach is doing flips. Why? You may ask. Do you remember my tales of the tall, thin, shiny black haired, clammy pale, cute guy in a pair of skinny jeans I told you about? I see him, staying calm (on the outside of course) I look up at the display of T-shirts. Walking towards the back of Hot Topic the guy with curly hair, David, recognizes me and says hello or, “Hey,” to be exact. I say hey right back to him with a friendly half smile.

Looking at the CD section I grab a copy of Chiodos’ Bone Palace Ballet. He comes closer. I’m squealing on the inside, relax Phoenixx, deep breaths. While I’m browsing records (nothing really strikes me) he comes over and asks, “Need help looking for a record?” It takes me a moment to reply, but I don’t stutter. “Um, no thanks.” as I flash him my Chiodos CD. I walk around the small cramped in space of Hot Topic, he walks near me.

Most of my time spent in Hot Topic is spent window shopping, having an undecided feeling on what I should or shouldn’t buy. Don’t you hate it when that happens?? I keep pacing through the store like always. He is still following me. Creepy? Maybe, could I say creepy in a good way? I notice he is wearing a green To Write Love On Her Arms T-shirt but of course skinny jeans, eyeliner? Yes. Whatever. It might be weird, but he is still very cute. My mother finds little Hello Kitty items for my younger sister’s upcoming birthday. She shows me Emily The Strange barrettes which are cute, though I’d rather not spend the eight dollars on. All of a sudden I feel a warmth rush to my face. Crap, I’m blushing. My ears and cheeks are a shade of scarlet, like I said, he might be Edward Cullen after all.

I spy a Joker shirt. It is gray and has his makeup smeared face on it and his hand in which he is holding a card that has Batman on it. Wandering over to a Watchmen jacket. I check the price, $ 48.00 dollars, ouch! Maybe another time. (While wandering I found out my favorite HT guy was named Eli.) I finally settle on the Chiodos Bone Palace Ballet: Grand Coda album and two strings of Zotz (watermelon and apple, yum!). David and a girl I do not recognize are up at the counter. David leaves and Eli comes to the counter. I go over to his side of the line, joyful. Then the girl asks, “Next person in line?” Aw, crap. I am very bummed as the lucky girl who was behind me gets rung up by Eli. I pay for my sister’s Hello Kitty junk, Emily The Strange barrettes (I decided I’d wear them), and my Chiodos album with a twenty dollar bill.


Chiodos

January 7, 2009

Chiodos. This is a band that have definitely earned my respect. I managed to pick up a used copy of their first album, “All That’s Well, Ends Well” in November of ’08 for five dollars. I love that album and from the songs I look up off “Bone Palace Ballet” they just get better. Craig Owens has this beautiful, yet odd, high pitched voice that becomes so addicting to me.  Then he can scream at the top of his lungs all of the sudden. The guitarists, bassist, keyboardist, and drummer, all know what they are doing and sound amazing whether in recording or live. I adore the songs, “A Letter From Janelle”, “Expired In Goreville”, “Baby You Wouldn’t Last One Minute On The Creek”, “Bears Make Money, Pings Get Slaughtered”, and “Lindsey Quit Lollygagging”. I don’t listen to screamo, or hardcore other than Chiodos and honestly I don’t consider them to fit into either of those genres. Chiodos have a style all their own with songs that make you sad or just feel like they fit in some point in your life. I don’t understand it.

From what I have seen in videos, read, or heard Craig has this really generous personality. I want to meet him, it makes me want to know him, be his friend. I suppose that sounds creepy, but I don’t mean for it to. While listening to Chiodos, I’ve developed a small “crush” on Craig Owens. You are probably thinking, it’s always the lead singer, right? Get this, I know he has a girlfriend and I’m not hoping for him to break up with her like some fan-girls. I admire his wisdom and talent to understand the concept of music.

I keep looking on their website in hopes of finding a tour date for them to come near me. I keep saying to myself, “Come to ____!!!” Another clip I found on YouTube when they were here on Warped Tour of ’07. *sigh*


Music Owns My Life

December 22, 2008

Nothing can explain my strong love for music. When I listen to a song that I can truly say “I love” it hits me hard. Like the stomach feeling you get when to drive over a huge bump in the middle of the road, not expecting it. Feeling excitement and queasy all at once. I was born for this, for music to own my life. Wasting my time thinking up new ideas for music videos that will never be made… yet.

I’ve come across a new band I have been quite enjoying who are called Saosin. I bought their album a couple weeks ago without thinking I would be using my money to buy Fall Out boy’s new album, “Folie A Deux”. Saosin sound a little like Circa Survive and Chiodos both whom I like. Chiodos wow. How can I explain them. I could call them “Post-Hardcore” but I don’t need to label another band. I’d definitly recommend these dudes. Without music, the world be quite a dark place, don’t you think? I constantly have a album in my CD player. Or I’m listening to my iPod completely ignoring what is going on around me. You know, I might even have a stronger love for music than I do for books and reading. I guess I don’t have much more to say, other than…

Go check out this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9kAh0GNefg