Looking For Alaska

December 29, 2009

Looking For Alaska by John Green

An ordinary (despite his love for famous last words) Floridan boy, Miles “Pudge” Halter is searching for his own Great Perhaps. So Pudge decides to enter the world that is Culver Creek Boarding School. – An almost-cliché, half-battle between the Weekday Warriors and the scholarship kids, made up solely of pranks. – His Great Perhaps begins not long after he meets Alaska Young, the most gorgeous, clever, self-destructive girl he has ever known. Alaska tugs his hand to follow her into her life of adventures and Pudge falls hopelessly in love with her.

The writing style of this novel is effortlessly brilliant and thoughtful. – As Brighten’s album King Vs. Queen played quietly as a soundtrack for the book throughout my entire reading session. – I was Pudge smoking down at the smoking hole, looking off at Alaska. I was Pudge running from the Eagle after he and Takumi had set off the pre-prank firecrackers. I was Pudge lying on the hay buried ground drinking Strawberry Hill wine and feeling warm. And so I was literally Pudge sobbing after the death of Alaska.

Alaska was the real world of Culver Creek. You were always looking for her, and you found her. She was just another terrified, screwed-up human being with confused emotions. In a sense I reached enlightenment on the subject of Alaska’s death. I couldn’t have written a better ending. Some books give closure yet still leave you wondering. With Looking For Alaska there is no need for wondering and it ends nicely.

I now seek to find my own Great Perhaps. Though I am not a religious person, I now also seek to reach complete and total enlightenment.

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Be Somebody

March 4, 2009

If I had to choose one song to die to, I would never be able to choose. Thursday’s “Understanding In a Car Crash” is just so perfect to me. Almost like poetry. The lyrics are just so brutal and beautiful. The guitar puts you on edge as goosebumps crawl up and down your arms and legs. Hot tears bubbling at your eyes; deep breaths.

So push the seats back a little further
Roll the windows down and take a breath
I can see the headlights coming
They paint the world in red and broken glass
The spinning hubcaps set the tempo for
the music of a broken window
When the lights are on and the cameras click
We open up the lens to broken glass and it’s over in a flash

Or another favorite of mine is “The Scientist” by Coldplay. The lyrics, Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it would be so hard. ring in my ears like they are something to live by. Honestly, living is the hard part, death could be rather easy. You just die. That’s it. Everything. Gone. Over. Nothing more than that. Now Lovedrug’s “Doomsday and the Echo” is oh so lovely. I adore every last lyric to this song. I cannot even begin to explain how much I love it. “Everything Starts Where it Ends” is brilliant as well, though there is something about “Doomsday and the Echo” that makes me itch over each sentence as though I should be analyzing it.

Can’t walk it off
Can’t come clean
               Later going on to…

Hey, just woke up and already I’m a losing
Messed up everything again
Drink up, pass the gun again
Hey, just woke up and already I’m a losing
Messed up everyone again
Someone pass the gun again

I got to thinking about this subject after thinking I was a failure. Playing guitar is one of my dreams and I have to succeed at it. Guitar lessons have been going… not so good. At least I don’t feel I’ve been doing nearly good enough. I want to friggen’ shred! I want to riff and rock. I want to be up on stage, sweat dripping from my body. Being a phenomenal performer such as Jason Hale or Jimi Hendrix. The spectacular sound as well, maybe the cleanest you’ve ever heard? I want to be the best of the best. Each lesson I’d like to be told I am amazing at guitar even if I am still a beginner. I would love for those words to be spoken honest and truthful. I guess plan “B”, which is writing, is what I should try to shoot for, for now. I’ll do my best to improve my writing each and every day. Giving every writing assignment 110% percent whether it is stupid or not. As most have you have heard the saying, “No problem.” let me introduce a new one to you all. No promises. 

Reader,  I don’t fully understand myself either, but leaving earth with a sad song just seems like a good way to go. When I die I want to be cremated, I want my (Alleged I suppose. Though trust me, Kat Von D IS going to tattoo me.) tattoos to tell my story before I am burned to ashes. I want them to play one of my song choices for death. I want to be remembered.

Current song of choice at the moment, “The Undertaker’s Thirst For Revenge Is Unquenchable (The Final Battle)” by Chiodos.

And all the world’s a stage
I existed because I dreamed
And well, I dream no more
I’ve given up on the entire human race


A Little Bit of Hurt

January 4, 2009

If you really take a good hard look at what the world is like, sometimes I think it is better to be in denial. With these terrible house guests I’ve learned a lot. First of all, I never thought I would meet people so screwed up. I mean if I were one of them I wouldn’t be alive right now. Their mother is a lazy, pot smoking, psycho who doesn’t have a clue how to treat or care for a child.

My dad works at a R&B night club. I thought that was ironic, because my dad hates crowds, loud music, and being up until three in the morning. Though, if you have been out of work for a year then I see where he is coming from. My father had hired Abby as a female bouncer.  One night Libby and Layla are up at five in the morning and my dad arrives home from The Boats and they ask, “Where is our mom?” Abby should have been there way before my father so he replied, “I don’t know.” We never found out where she was or who she was with, but that happened more than once. Abby lied to my family, her daughters, and god knows who else. My dad was fed up with it so we are kicking them out. All I can think is, “FREE AT LAST!!!!!”  Yet, it also makes me sad because whether or not I liked those girls they aren’t better off with or without their mother. My mom said to me, “Honey I don’t think there is going to be a happy ending for these girls.” I’ve been thinking about that since my mother told me that.

Tonight it made me think back to a movie I saw early last year or so. Actually I think it was couple of years ago, I’m not quite sure. Anyway, the movie was called “Grave Of The Fireflies”. grave20of20the20fireflies20dvd1I don’t remember much of it. A boy and his little sister living in Japan at the end of World War II. Their mother dies of burn wounds, their father dies in the war, and in the end his little sister who was only around three or four years of age dies of starvation. Oh yeah, the boy dies too. In the movie that boy loved his litle sister so much, it made me sad she was tooken away from him. The last member left from his family other than himself. I wanted to cry so badly after I saw that movie. Heck, I might have I don’t remember. I couldn’t erase the memories of it that night as I tried to sleep. I wasn’t even old enough to understand it enough, I was just sad the little girl had died. Right now I feel like watching that movie again. It was amazing, poignant, or maybe brutal is a better word, but beautiful. You only need to see this movie a couple times so I am urging you to go read more about it on this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grave_of_the_Fireflies 

Sometimes I think we all need a little bit of hurt in our lives. To prove that we are strong enough to move on without feeling sorrowful our whole lives.