One afternoon while coming down to my chilled basement of course to log on to the computer, I checked my email. Now in my inbox I had an email titled, “Mikey Way’s wife…” The first time I saw if I thought it said “Mikey Way’s life…” and let out gasp thinking he had died. Instead it was an email from my mother. She knows the My Chemical Romance obsesser that I am and told me a woman whom she works with used to go to school with her. Now this may be cool or uninteresting, but hey, I’m just here to write, so don’t hate on Mikey or the band. –The woman’s name is Tracey, and I’m guessing she is like 27 years old and what a teeny thing she is! Tracey has auburn, chin length hair, has great bone structure in her face, and has I’m guessing a small five foot five frame. She came with my mom, Roxann, and I to the Buzz Stole Christmas concert back in December.– Anyway, Alicia Simmons, Mikey’s wife, went to the same high school. My mom said Tracey thought she was a bit strange and possibly a druggie. Tracey was unsure that Alicia had grown up to marry an awesome bassist such as Mikey Way. Then she saw a picture of Mikey and Alicia together or read in article in a music magazine and could finally believe it. Now Tracey is from Grain Valley Missouri and that gave me, the Missouri girl I am (though I live more in the city), some hope. Heck, maybe I’ll marry the next Kurt Cobain but I hope he doesn’t shoot himself in the head or snort cocaine or do any sort of drug really. In fact maybe I’LL be the next (female) Kurt Cobain without the drugs and suicide.
Leave a Comment » | Uncategorized | Tagged: "Mikey Way's life...", "Mikey Way's wife...", *gasp*, 27, afternoon, Alicia, Alicia Simmons, any, anyway, article, auburn, awesome, back, band, basement, bassist, believe, bone, Buzz Stole Christmas, checked, chilled, chin, city, cocaine, coming, computer, Concert, cool, course, December, doesn't, down, drug, druggie, drugs, email, face, fact, female, firts, from, gave, girl, Grain Valley Missouri, great, grown, hair, hate, head, heck, heer, her, hey, high school, himself, hope, I'll, inbox, instead, knows, Kurt Cobain, length, let, live, log on, magazine, marry, may be, maybe, me, Mikey Way, mom, more, mother, Music, my, My Chemical Romance, next, now, obsesser, one, out, picture, possibly, racey, read, really, Roxann, said, saw, School, she, shoot, snort, sort, strange, structure, suicide, teeny, then, thing, though, thought, time, titled, together, told, uninteresting, unsure, up, used, went same, whom, with, without, woman, works, write, years old | Permalink
Posted by amadeusphoenixx
Last night I had a dream. You see, I don’t really like dreams. Mine usually seem to be connected to inner fear or just something stupid that scares me while I’m asleep, though when I think about it later it seems idiotic. It wasn’t terribly frightening, though it was strange. It had something to do with a couple topics I’ve had on my mind a lot recently. Cutting and To Write Love On Her Arms. (In fact I’m wearing my one of my TWLOHA tees right now.)
In this dream I was in some hospital/psychiatric ward. The setup was similar to parts of my house, yet like a hospital at the same time. It was vacant. I wandered the halls with a few of my family members (I only remember my mother and Eleanor), yet I kept ending up in the same place. As if I was going in circles. So while wandering these empty halls alone, they seemed dirty or abandoned. Finally I came across a bed, in which was my former house guest, Abby. I was scared I didn’t know what to say or do, I didn’t want to go pleading sorry. I ran back in circles, trying to think things over. Finally, I entered a bathroom. In that bathroom I found a razor blade. No, not a three bladed razor you would use to shave your legs. I razor blade. I began to cut little slits in my hand, the one I remember most was on my thumb. I hesitated a moment and went on. They were not very deep, but enough to sting. Blood didn’t ooze, but I saw blood. — My hands are shaking while I type this post.– I was tempted to go for my wrist, but I didn’t slice through the skin, only because I had a fear of “bleeding it out”. All through school the thought of cutting racked through my brain, and I was scared.
1 Comment | Rant, Uncategorized | Tagged: "bleeding it out", abandoned, Abby, across, bathroom, bed, blood, brain, circles, couple, cutting, deep, dreams, Eleanor, empty, ending, fact, family, fear, few, former, guest, halls, hand, hesitated, hospital, house, idiotic, kept, last, legs, little, members, mind, mine, moment, mother, my, on, one, ooze, pleading, post, psychiatric ward, racked, ran, razor blade, recently, remember, rightening, scared, School, shaking, shave, skin, slits, sorry, strange, stupid, tee, tempted, terribly, they, this, thought, three bladed razor, through, thumb, To Write Love On Her Arms, topics, trying, TWLOHA, type, usually, vacant, very, wandered, wearing, went, weren't, while, with, wrist, yet | Permalink
Posted by amadeusphoenixx
Today I was at least hopeful, and not completely negative. In fact I was secretly excited to go to PE, but keep that a secret. I’m trying hard to focus on my work when Sarah, Veronica, and I get to talking about the Katy Perry concert. Veronica: “I really want to go, but my mom says no since it’s at a bar. But I might get to see The Killers!” My heart sinks. I cannot remember if I spilled the beans or what, but I pray to god that the tickets will soon be sold out before she gets her hands on them. Me: “Oh.” That was all I managed to say. Veronica is barely a Killers fan; I wish I could strangle her right now. I come back with, “Yeah, I love The Killers. I have all their albums.” I understand that was a total cat-ish thing to do, but to be honest, that was what I was aiming for. Yeah, yeah, she knows one song. In my book, that is called a poseur fan. You might not understand how it can get under my skin so much, but I like doing things on my own. Without friends to ask to “hang out” with me when all they do insult me.
Sarah speaks, “Phoenixx don’t take this the wrong way, but my brother thinks-” I finish for her, “That I’m to young to go to Warped Tour. I know, you told me.” She goes on about how he said I was too young to go to concerts, listen to this kind of music, “besides I might think I know what they are talking about, but I really don’t”. Now, the last of that sentence was a quote. All I could think was, WHY DOES HE (YOU) ****ING CARE?!?!?! It’s not like it is any of his business. Note to self: Never speak of any concerts near my “friends”… ever. This is one reason why I love to isolate myself from everyone. Just when I’ve dusted myself back off, they bite back with words. I reply to Sarah, “What I am I supposed to listen to, Hannah Montana?!?!?!” I wish I could scream in her face. In fact both of them, but I’ve got a “good girl” reputation and I wish I could show them my venom.
Later that day Madeline comes over to me, “Phoeni, I can’t believe you are gonna bail on me with the Katy Perry concert!” I’m sorry, but I would like to save my money for other concerts and merchandise money. I reply to her, “I’m sorry, but I wanted to see The Killers.” “Yeah, but still.” she continues. I respond, “Yeah, but it’s THE KILLERS.” Veronica was sitting next to me. Of course then she starts talking about bands, which leads to a dream she had, which leads to money. With that someone asks what she would do with the money. Veronica: “Um, go to concerts, buy clothes, shoes.” Go to concerts was her first answer. I know for a fact she wouldn’t even have thought about it if I hadn’t brought it up. God, why do I have to be such an idiot?!
I suppose, I shouldn’t get mad over things so little as these, but it’s the little things that make me itch.
1 Comment | Uncategorized | Tagged: "good girl", "hang out", about, albums, all, answer, asks, at, back, bail, bands, bar, barely, beans, before, believe, bite, both, brought, business, buy, called, cannot, care, cat-ish, clothes, completely, concerts, continues, course, day, does, doing, don't, dream, dusted, ever, everyone, excited, face, fact, fan, first, focus, friends, gets, god, hands, Hannah Montana, hard, he, heart, her, his, honestly, I, idiot, insult, isolate, itch, Katy Perry, keep, kind, know, last, later, leads, little, love, Madeline, make, managed, me, merchandise, might, mom, money, Music, my, myself, near, negative, next, no, okay, on, one, other, out, own, PE, poseur, posuer fan, pray, quote, really, reason, remember, reply, reputation, respond, Sarah, say, scream, secret, see, sentence, she, shoes, show, since, sinks, sitting, skin, so, sold, someone, sorry, spilled, spilled the beans, starts, strangle, such, suppose, talking, that, The Killers, them, things, think, thinks, thought, today, total, trying, under, understand, venom, Veronica, Warped Tour, which, why, wish, with, without, words, work, yeah, you | Permalink
Posted by amadeusphoenixx