June 18, 2009
We sat in Dairy Queen
eating mouthfuls of our treats.
(Mine happened to be a Oreo Fudge Earthquake,
well something like that.
Yes I know, very fattening,
but I made sure to share with the rest of my siblings.)
He came and sat at the table next to us.
Big blue eyes with those long lashes
and those adorable chubby cheeks.
Blond hair and smiling.
I smiled back at him and he looked at back at all of us.
Four kids and two adults,
oh so many people.
We just sat there and smiled at each other for a while,
until my mother asked how old this cutie was.
The proud mom told us about two years old.
We then smiled some more.
His eyes big, staring in amazement.
It was soon time to leave Dairy Queen.
My stomach full,
I felt like an idiot smiling at this little boy,
but I kept grinning.
We stood up to leave and the little boy spoke,
He made my day.
June 6, 2009
I keep taking deep breaths because it feels like forgot how to breathe. I breathe too slow or to quick; not taking in enough oxygen or too much air. During the school year my little brother would breathe through his mouth heavily. Sometimes he would cry at night and I didn’t know why. It annoyed me terribly and I kept trying to explain to him why he didn’t need to breathe that way. Now I know the feeling. All of the sudden in the middle of the day I think, I don’t know what to do. You are probably thinking, About what? Well, I don’t know either. I just feel so utterly overwhelmed by everything. It’s summer time, right? I shouldn’t bother having to feel this way, but I do. And I am scared. I don’t know what will happen in a few hours or even a few days. Nobody really does. I mean, you might have a few events mapped out, but you don’t know what those moments of the day will feel like.
I went to my mother for advice and what she said was, “Just go and babysit. Once when you get home you can figure out what to do next.” I liked this idea, but this is all new for me. I’m used to planning out my day and setting goals, whether I realized it or not. This unpredictable schedule is throwing me off a bit. Today, I don’t want this day to slip away from me like all the other days do. Wasted and chasing time. Please time, stand still for only a day or two.
Brand New’s album Deja Entendu feels like my soundtrack. The events probably don’t quite match up, but the instrumentals capture my mood. In some songs Jesse Lacey almost whispers and I turn up my volume to savor his words. Especially in “Tautou”, which is one of my favorites though it’s only a minute and a half long.
I want to make this day last, but I don’t seem to know how. All I know is that I don’t want Monday to come. Please, not yet. If everyday was Saturday then I’d be fine with that. I’m still confused why I’m scared of what is next to come….