It remains a mystery.

June 13, 2009


This week has been tiring. Waking up at six in the morning to attend summer school. Though this summer school is really just an orientation to prepare me for the new school year, I am no fan. Each day in PE I have had to do ninety crunches, ten or more push-ups, wall squats, running (but that was pretty easy and surprisingly fun) and today an exersize called six inches. I can handle the crunches but those darn push-ups make my wee little arms wobble. Yes, I do have muscles, but they aren’t massive.
The school days are fairly short (they end at 12:20 PM) yet there is still the bus ride home. I don’t even have any idea how many kids ride my bus, but it can take up to an hour for me to make it safely back to my front door. The bus driver is no help. Whenever she nears my house she passes it up for another stop farther away. That annoys me. A lot. All I can say right now is thank gawd for Fridays!!

I sighed in relief when I got home. I just wanted some time to myself, to think. Extra time to listen to my favorite albums and more importantly, time to write!

I was on the computer this afternoon, checking my email when my mother suggested she would take me to the mall. Or should I say Hot Topic? I was excited to spend the last of my money because I am no good at saving it, and I had enough for a T-shirt or two. If any of you have read some of my previous posts, the first thing that came to mind was Eli. I have never seen him there on a Friday night, but it’s summer time now, schedules change, so you never know. I won’t lie, my heart did feel a little odd. It felt like it sped up for a second.

I walked into Hot Topic wearing my new plaid, blue and pink, button-down Urban Outfitters shirt. (I was glad I could wear my fancy new shirt out.) I didn’t know what I was looking for in Hot Topic. I hadn’t been into Hot Topic for ages it seemed. But I did have a Kings Of Leon shirt in mind. This winter someone *cough, cough* Lance *cough, cough* told me they didn’t like Kings Of Leon. I acted mock appalled and “gasped”. You see, I like irony so the next time I see him with his kids I’ll say, “Oh yeah, KINGS OF LEON BABY!” and point to my shirt. Ironic, eh?

I looked around the store, no Eli. I was almost affraid he didn’t work there anymore (and I still am actually). So I browsed the CD section and eyed the employee picks intensely. I couldn’t see Eli’s name anywhere. It’s not like I talk to him or anything, but it would be nice to see a cute guy’s face every once and a while. To see his clammy pale face matched with dark brown, almost black hair. Sweet eyes and golden eyelashes. His slight frame and dare I say swagger? This may sound creepy, but if a guy you think is cute kinda likes you too that’s not so bad (or at least acts like he likes you). I can easily say I am a hopeless romantic, but I’m not searching for love. Not at this age, no friggen’ way man.

I waked out of Hot Topic with the Kings Of Leon shirt (it even has their faces on it) and an Emily The Strange leopard print tank top. (It seems HT has stopped selling Zotz. Oh, how I will miss those dear Zotz.)
I talked my mom into purchasing a fabulous pair or Baker heels. They have a jeweled cuff around the ankle that almost look like bracelets. They look like those beads you can find in the ocean in Mexico. I think she is happy, she hasn’t splurged on shoes lately.

What my point is, it remains a mystery to me if “Mr. Eli Cullen” is or is not still and employee working at Hot Topic.

We Meet Again

February 1, 2009

I had waited all week to make my trip back to Hot Topic to see my favorite (realistic) vampire. It was almost postponed *gasp*. Thankfully I made an excuse to go down and see him, though my ride (mother) did not buy it. My younger sister’s birthday is coming up so I’d pick something out for her. (It’s quite funny, really. I have my little sisters listening to bands like My Chemical Romance, All Time Low, and Paramore. Then they’ll walk around the house singing the lyrics to “Teenagers” or as Eleanor would say, “Teenagerds”. Ha-ha!) I hope you don’t get the wrong idea and think I’m stalking him, only making a trip down to my second favorite store.

Eli is there and since it is Super Bowl Sunday, the mall is practically vacant.  I smile on the inside knowing that Eli is up at the counter. For some reason I don’t fell much excitement. That is the best part. I come down on a Sunday to end my week nicely with a feeling of excitement and joy, yet I feel plain. The feeling when you could smile at nothing for days, do cartwheels around the house, or get tingles on your arms?  Have I lost the feeling completely?

Walking around David, is nice as usual, asks the same ol’, “Do you need any help finding something?” or “You guys doin’ alright?” You have to admit, it can get a bit annoying. I found the belt I wanted. White with cute, colorful, little monster people on it. Unfortunately it is a little big, but at least it fits! For my younger sister I found a small, pink, plush, Domo doll which should fit, considering her birthday is on Valentines Day. I walk around a little, trying to time it right so Eli can ring up my items this time.

At last I am paying for my items and Eli asks, “Do you want to donate a dollar to a charity for kids so they can get a better music foundation and get one of those bags?” As he pointed to two black messenger bags. One with a skull and the other smaller one that reads “music = life” Or at least something like that. I was once again lost in my own little world, inside my head, not paying attention to what he was saying. I replied mindlessly, “Uh, sure.” While speaking to him, a heat reached my cheek bones. How many times must he make me blush?!?! Eek! I already had the smaller bag left over from Christmas. Eli replied, “Do you want the smaller one or the bigger one?” It took me a moment to reply and just said, “Um, you can just keep the dollar.” He rolled up my belt and handed me the Domo plush, our hands almost touched. I couldn’t help but to think, Jeez, he has ginormous hands!!! I decided to save a plastic bag and put my items into a Disney bag my mother and I had been carrying around.

I left the store, in the words of my friend Hannah, blushing Bella red.


January 26, 2009

I was listening to Coldplay’s “Clocks” just a minute ago. Knowing just how amazing it is. One of my favorite songs in fact. The lyrics are beautiful. I decided that I needed something to calm my nerves. I’ve got my stomach churning with excitement just thinking about… Eli. I’ve got to admit. It is quite strange for someone three or four years older than me to like me (or vise versa), but its not like I’m going to go out with him. I honestly wouldn’t want to. It just freaks me out. Though when I’m twenty and he is oh say, twenty four, it would be a little different.

I was thinking today, I should have bought that Joker T-shirt and how I want The Maine’s Can’t Stop Won’t Stop album. So maybe I’ll make a trip back to Hot Topic this weekend… or not. I should probably save my last $60 dollars for merchandise at The Killers concert. (Did I tell you I was going? Well I am, and I’m super excited!!) Though that isn’t until May so – wait! I want to see The Maine, right? Decisions, decisions.

Back to Coldplay’s song. “Am I part of the cure, or am I part of the disease? Singing, you are, you are, you are, you are, you are, you are, you are, you are, you are. And nothing else compares, oh nothing else compares…” You cannot deny that you like those lyrics. His voice almost hums those words. In fact the whole album (A Rush Of Blood To The Head) is brilliant. I am easily amazed by this band. Another favorite song of mine from this record is “In My Place”. I think it was one of their singles, but just because it is popular doesn’t mean it can’t compare to their other tracks, right? The drums catches me off guard at the beginning then the guitars slow into a more calming sound. Like you could close your eyes while floating in the water and let the waves take you where ever. Go pull up the song on YouTube, picture that right now, close your eyes, visualize, relax. Can you not feel that?

Coldplay. One of the greatest British alternative rock bands out there.

A Tale of Eli Cullen

January 26, 2009

Sundays are usually quite “depressing”. Knowing that you’ll have to go back to school the next day, not being able to stay up past midnight *sigh*.  Today went surprisingly well. I woke up early to go babysit at ten. They had a friend over so they payed me extra for the two hours I was at their house. I already had made fifty dollars in the past week so I was doing quite well on cash. I decided I’d make a trip down to Hot Topic once I arrived home. I hadn’t been there since before Christmas and I was excited to finally be able to purchase the Chiodos’ Bone Palace Ballet album.

I wore a a flowy, black, knee length, skirt with a pair of my tightest, purple tiger print, skinny jeans. My We The Kings shirt that reads, “I LOVE Red Heads” and my black with pink flamingos, slip on vans. (Not that it really matters what I was wearing, just thought I’d add that.)

I walk into Hot Topic with a rush of other kids. My stomach is doing flips. Why? You may ask. Do you remember my tales of the tall, thin, shiny black haired, clammy pale, cute guy in a pair of skinny jeans I told you about? I see him, staying calm (on the outside of course) I look up at the display of T-shirts. Walking towards the back of Hot Topic the guy with curly hair, David, recognizes me and says hello or, “Hey,” to be exact. I say hey right back to him with a friendly half smile.

Looking at the CD section I grab a copy of Chiodos’ Bone Palace Ballet. He comes closer. I’m squealing on the inside, relax Phoenixx, deep breaths. While I’m browsing records (nothing really strikes me) he comes over and asks, “Need help looking for a record?” It takes me a moment to reply, but I don’t stutter. “Um, no thanks.” as I flash him my Chiodos CD. I walk around the small cramped in space of Hot Topic, he walks near me.

Most of my time spent in Hot Topic is spent window shopping, having an undecided feeling on what I should or shouldn’t buy. Don’t you hate it when that happens?? I keep pacing through the store like always. He is still following me. Creepy? Maybe, could I say creepy in a good way? I notice he is wearing a green To Write Love On Her Arms T-shirt but of course skinny jeans, eyeliner? Yes. Whatever. It might be weird, but he is still very cute. My mother finds little Hello Kitty items for my younger sister’s upcoming birthday. She shows me Emily The Strange barrettes which are cute, though I’d rather not spend the eight dollars on. All of a sudden I feel a warmth rush to my face. Crap, I’m blushing. My ears and cheeks are a shade of scarlet, like I said, he might be Edward Cullen after all.

I spy a Joker shirt. It is gray and has his makeup smeared face on it and his hand in which he is holding a card that has Batman on it. Wandering over to a Watchmen jacket. I check the price, $ 48.00 dollars, ouch! Maybe another time. (While wandering I found out my favorite HT guy was named Eli.) I finally settle on the Chiodos Bone Palace Ballet: Grand Coda album and two strings of Zotz (watermelon and apple, yum!). David and a girl I do not recognize are up at the counter. David leaves and Eli comes to the counter. I go over to his side of the line, joyful. Then the girl asks, “Next person in line?” Aw, crap. I am very bummed as the lucky girl who was behind me gets rung up by Eli. I pay for my sister’s Hello Kitty junk, Emily The Strange barrettes (I decided I’d wear them), and my Chiodos album with a twenty dollar bill.


November 26, 2008

(Another post I wrote a while ago before I had a blog. Notice that I mention two of the guys from my post “Hot Topic?”)

I usually don’t find it quite so hard to talk to people I don’t know very well if I will myself. There seems to be something about two of the guys at Hot Topic. I stumble over my words, tripping and failing to spit them out, without sounding squeamish. My conversations usually go something like this.

Hot Topic employee: You finding everything alright?

Me: Uh-huh.

Guy: To Write Love On Her Arms is for a great cause *said in a serious tone*.

Me: Yeah.

Do you see what I mean?! I must seem really shy or anti-social. I mean I could do better than give short answers like Yes, No, Yeah, Uh-huh etc. I must also look like a brat or just plain weird because I beg my mom not to drag me into stores like “Pac Sun” just to look for so stupid uniform pants for school. Stores like “Abercrombie and Fitch” are what I call “annoying high school girl” store, end of story. As it seems I don’t have super mature friends or I just haven’t taken the time to get close to them. So I decide I won’t take them on my mall adventures with my mother and I.

There is a seemingly nice guy I see at Hot Topic with long curly hair he keeps pulled back in a loose, low, ponytail. He is decent looking I don’t have a “crush” on him, I just think of him as attractive. I notice a new employee there. Shoulder length shiny black hair or is it dark brown? He was tall and thin he wore a hat, that bothered me a little. Do I like him? is what I am thinking. I’m not boy crazy am I? Eww, that just sounds gross I’m just a writer telling about one person I like that’s all. Though don’t get me wrong I can go all fan-girl over Gerard, but that’s Gerard Way we are talking about here people!

Another conversation: I’m walking to the cash register ready to pay, I grab a string of Zotz which he notices.

Guy: I found out about these like a week ago.

Me: … (silence)

Guy: They’re pretty cool, thye like explode in your mouth!

Me: I know *half smile*. Oh, I like your shirt. (It has a picture of “Where The Wild Things Are”)

Guy: Thanks.

Once he finished scanning my purchases he tell me the total is something like $35.46. I don’t have the 46 cents. I’m crossing my fingers hoping he’ll say oh, it’s okay. He doesn’t so I just ask for him to take out the Zotz. *slaps hand to forehead*

Hot Topic?

November 23, 2008

I like shopping around at Hot Topic when I have the money, a few weeks back I was browsing the store. The stuff there is just so fun and funky! I could be in there for hours without buying anything. Music, clothing, accessories, shoes, candy (Zotz), bags, a cute guy or two (Did I just say that??). If you are in a store for more than twenty minutes, employees are bound to ask you if you need any help finding anything.

He walks up to me, shoulder length straight, shiny (not greasy), dark brown almost black hair. He’s tall with clammy pale skin, pretty shaped eyes a shade of hazel, a lip ring, wearing skinny jeans and a T-shirt. Might he be a vampire because he is dazzling me. Did he see me staring?? I wasn’t drooling was I?? “You findin’ everything alright?” he asks “Um… yeah. Could I try these on?” I respond holding out a pair of jeans. “Sure.” he answers. I walk back to the dressing room try the jeans on blah, blah. I decide I’ll buy ’em, so I carry them around until someone tells me I can leave them at the counter until I pay. I see a To Write Love On Her Arms T-shirt that reads “Alive. Wake up you are alive we are on your side.” I’d seen it on the To Write Love On Her Arms website, pondering if I should purchase it. He notices me taking a liking to the shirt “To Write Love On Her Arms! I love that foundation, it’s for a great cause! Did you see the ‘alive’ tee?” I just nod my head, feeling muted. I support TWLOHA and as a gift from a family friend Kristi I have a hoodie that says “LOVE”. I’m wearing the hoodie so of course he notices that too. “Ahh! you’re wearing the love hoodie!” GAH!! Must he be so nice and friendly (…and attractive)? “Do you have the pink TWLOHA T-shirt?” I ask. “Um… I think we do, lemme check.” He walks over to a wall of shelves loaded with awesome T-shirts. He comes back over to me and says,”This is the last one, wanna go try it on?” “Sure, I guess,” I stammer. Once I’ve tried it on it fits me, though it’s a little to small for my taste. I walk back out ready to go put it away and pay for my lovely pair of pants. He unterruppts my silence, “How’d that work out for ya?” “Erm, it’s a little small for my taste,” I try to say without looking panicky. I pay and leave the store.

After we get out of the store my mom comments, “I think that guy liked you Phoen.” as a grin spreads across her face. “Really? Are you sure?” I reply. “Yeah! He was cute!” I smack my forehead with my hand, covering my face… and my smile. I soon think. Isn’t that weird for a 16 year old to like someone my age?

Last night I went to spend my gift card spying Invader Zim sleeping pants. I was looking around and a female employee asks “You doin’ alright girlie?” in an upbeat tone. I didn’t buy the P.J. pants even though I had the money instead I settled for the Anberlin album Lost Songs and a few strings of Zotz. I slowly walk toward the counter. The girl with cute short brown hair, a pretty yet quirky face, and wide hips, which look fabulous with her skinny jeans on. “Yeeeaaah!! Zotz!” “The best!” I say back. “I really like this band.” she says holding up the Anberlin CD.  

Today I went back in hopes of seeing him again. I walk in take a quick glance at the room and notice him at the counter. I’m not obsessed am I, right? I naw at my lip tearing away dried skin with my teeth. I see a pair of bright blue jeans I like. Note to self: I need to stock up on pants, I only have three pairs. I ask the cute guy with curly hair if I can try on the jeans. “Sure. You can go and wait on over there,” he says pointing to the dressing rooms. After trying on two pairs to jeans I decide on my first choice and pick up the Invader Zim P.J. bottoms. I walk to the line ready to pay with ANOTHER string of Zotz.  Just as I’m ready to pay he has to leave. The curly haired David says, “You’ll have to go to the other side and have Terrence ring you up.” in a tone saying I’m quite oblivious. It’s the girl from last night. “You and your fricken’ Zotz!” she teases. “I love these pants, they’re cute!” I smile nod my head awkwardly, not knowing what to say back or how to start a conversation. “You should totally come here everyday and buy some random pants.” “Yep,” I smile back. I like going to a store and feeling comfortable where people are nice to me and don’t treat me like such a toddler. “Hey, we are rockin’ the same band!” Terrence notices that we both have on a The Academy Is… T-shirt.

Later on I’m walking through the mall with my mom and two little sisters. I stop breathing for a second as he walks past. Heart thuding, tap-tap, tap-tap. I squeal on the inside yet I see him with a girl. Is that his girlfriend? I wonder. My heart sinks. It shouldn’t be a big deal, right? Well, I’m crossing my fingers in hopes that the girl I saw is just a friend.