Be Somebody

March 4, 2009

If I had to choose one song to die to, I would never be able to choose. Thursday’s “Understanding In a Car Crash” is just so perfect to me. Almost like poetry. The lyrics are just so brutal and beautiful. The guitar puts you on edge as goosebumps crawl up and down your arms and legs. Hot tears bubbling at your eyes; deep breaths.

So push the seats back a little further
Roll the windows down and take a breath
I can see the headlights coming
They paint the world in red and broken glass
The spinning hubcaps set the tempo for
the music of a broken window
When the lights are on and the cameras click
We open up the lens to broken glass and it’s over in a flash

Or another favorite of mine is “The Scientist” by Coldplay. The lyrics, Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it would be so hard. ring in my ears like they are something to live by. Honestly, living is the hard part, death could be rather easy. You just die. That’s it. Everything. Gone. Over. Nothing more than that. Now Lovedrug’s “Doomsday and the Echo” is oh so lovely. I adore every last lyric to this song. I cannot even begin to explain how much I love it. “Everything Starts Where it Ends” is brilliant as well, though there is something about “Doomsday and the Echo” that makes me itch over each sentence as though I should be analyzing it.

Can’t walk it off
Can’t come clean
               Later going on to…

Hey, just woke up and already I’m a losing
Messed up everything again
Drink up, pass the gun again
Hey, just woke up and already I’m a losing
Messed up everyone again
Someone pass the gun again

I got to thinking about this subject after thinking I was a failure. Playing guitar is one of my dreams and I have to succeed at it. Guitar lessons have been going… not so good. At least I don’t feel I’ve been doing nearly good enough. I want to friggen’ shred! I want to riff and rock. I want to be up on stage, sweat dripping from my body. Being a phenomenal performer such as Jason Hale or Jimi Hendrix. The spectacular sound as well, maybe the cleanest you’ve ever heard? I want to be the best of the best. Each lesson I’d like to be told I am amazing at guitar even if I am still a beginner. I would love for those words to be spoken honest and truthful. I guess plan “B”, which is writing, is what I should try to shoot for, for now. I’ll do my best to improve my writing each and every day. Giving every writing assignment 110% percent whether it is stupid or not. As most have you have heard the saying, “No problem.” let me introduce a new one to you all. No promises. 

Reader,  I don’t fully understand myself either, but leaving earth with a sad song just seems like a good way to go. When I die I want to be cremated, I want my (Alleged I suppose. Though trust me, Kat Von D IS going to tattoo me.) tattoos to tell my story before I am burned to ashes. I want them to play one of my song choices for death. I want to be remembered.

Current song of choice at the moment, “The Undertaker’s Thirst For Revenge Is Unquenchable (The Final Battle)” by Chiodos.

And all the world’s a stage
I existed because I dreamed
And well, I dream no more
I’ve given up on the entire human race

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Identical

January 28, 2009

I started reading a book called “Identical” by Ellen Hopkins yesterday. If you have read any of Hopkins’ writing you’ll know she writes in verse, like poetry. There is a scene in the book where Kaeleigh escapes from her problems by cutting her leg. I wrote this poem from her perspective yet trying to make it different from Hopkins’.

She remains unsure    n2643301

Hands shaking, eyes closed,

Picking up the razor

Been shaving these legs for years

I’m careful, right? 

Blood

Flows from her long gash

Engraved into her leg

I thought cutters were sick?

More so, than my own self

I see how addicting this pain feels

Hot water

Washing away the blood

I need to clean up

Baggy sweat pants and T-shirt

I look like a hippie

What will daddy say?

“No daughter of mine

will leave my house dressed like

This”


To Write Love On Her Arms

November 28, 2008

This is a To Write Love On Her Arms inspired poem of mine. To Write Love On Her Arms is a foundation that helps males and females who are depressed and or self inflicting and seeking help. The foundation was started to help a friend and turned out to be a pretty big deal. Merchandise and books are sold on their websites and any local Hot Topic. The founder, Jamie Tworkowski goes on tours raising awareness for the situation. I am not one to self inflict, this is a message to those who do.

 

A pretty scar

A puddle of blood

A razor blade

Deeper

You are thinking

Adrenaline rush

Feels good for a moment

You don’t need this

Not this weight

On your shoulders

Don’t take it out

On your arm

No need

To bleed it out

Yet you are loving

Every minute

Hating every second

You don’t need this

“All you need is love

Love

Love

Love is all you need” -lyric by The Beatles

LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT


Cities

November 27, 2008

(11/26/08) CITIES

Depression is eating away

At a small, broken, frayed city

Cries for help, fear, and tarnished hope

Are heard

Dissolving into late night skies

Demons in the walls

Whisper to those who can hear

Are driven to insanity

Gray skies and purple clouds

Hover over poor broken city

The Skies wail

Everyone is washed away

Last words spoken are

“I’ll love you until

my last breath takes you

away from me.”- lyric by Choidos


Broken Sky

November 22, 2008

This broken sky overhead

A aging and beautiful historic building

Glistens in the blue gray sky

Vines entwine the brick sides

Healthy and green

Like a photo

A black and white sepia scene

Dark angy clouds could be mistaken

Rainclouds yet could be

Warriors

In this broken sky 

 

9/30/08