Whoever she is.

March 8, 2010

I would like to set a goal for myself and for anyone who wants to tag along. All this week I will listen to only happy music. I will admit I sold out and began listening to Never Shout Never, but that is only because I read his article in AP magazine (he seems like a really nice, incredibly cool person). Today is a start because I got off the bus and the spring feeling filled me up like a glass of water, washing away any bad feelings. The first song that popped into my head as I began to walk down the sidewalk was “This Is The End” by The Maine, so I sang the words to myself and smiled. It made me happy just hearing John Ohh’s voice inside my head.

It is about 63 degrees outside and sunny with a slight overcast sky and a cooling breeze. The best type of weather I would say: cardigan weather. – When I reached my front porch I found my dad sitting there reading a book. I walked into the house and smiled at the reflection of my wildly curly hair and then placed my copy of The Maine’s Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop album into my CD player. I have begun to think of music in seasons and I can tell you The Maine sound so much like spring. The grass is starting to green and small flowers coil around fences only to be picked up and set in little girls’ hair.

I received several hugs today from Trinh and Taylor and reminisced with M and A about our day yesterday gallivanting around the neighborhood. (We walked over to The Sweet Guy and picked up gelatos, stopped at two parks, had a duel with the plastic and wooden swords I brought over, were chased by our younger brothers on scooters, told jokes about Geico Car Insurance, and made a sanctuary.) School wasn’t so bad and thankfully my science class didn’t have to make up the quiz about electricity and whatnot.

Right now while I am still listening to The Maine I just want to run or have someone to dance with. I am really hoping to the goddess Athena and even the titan Cronus that something good will come of this weather. I need something good in my life that will lift these heavy spirits. There are too many people and good friends that I know who are extremely depressed right now. Who knows maybe Elisha from HOLY Mountain will introduce me to some cool people (who are NOT annoying and immature) who just get music. Or maybe nothing will happen and I will just talk to him with Jane after their show on the 22nd.

“She could be rainy days, minimum wage, a book that ends with no last page. Whoever she is, whoever she may be one thing’s for sure, you don’t have to worry.” – The Maine



And after all you’re my wonderwall….

August 31, 2009

My second week of school started today. I have one day down. I finished “The Perks Of Being a Wallflower” last week and I can say that it is one of my all time favorite books. It makes me wonder how some of the most simple books are so charming and so popular. Ah well, this book was an acception.

Nothing intersting happened today. I don’t have anything to complain about. School is alright for once. Oh, but today my English teacher was funny. We were discussing story plots and so she used Goldy Locks and The Three Bears as an example. “Goldy Locks is a little thug!” she said. Kids giggled but my English teacher was serious. “Walkin’ into those bears house. She outta think for herself!” I don’t have much homework yet, but I’m glad I have a little. I know most kids despise homework but I don’t know… it gives me a good feeling, it keeps me busy. At least so far. Oh and I learned the alphabet in French!

I just want Friday to get here! On Friday I will be going to see Blink-182 with Weezer, Taking Back Sunday, Chester French and the Von Bondies. Really, I’m only there for Taking Back Sunday but seeing Blink and Weezer is a bonus! AND my uber-rad cousin who took me to Warped Tour is going to accompany me yet again.

I think I’m going to finish reading “The Graveyard Book” by Neil Gaimen. I made a Tumblr account. If you ever wanted to check it out here’s the link http://www.thehumanbean.tumblr.com. I have also been writing a story and recently started posting it to Quizilla so I can get some readers! Though, I’m not too sure anybody is reading it other than a couple of girls on Polyvore…. Whoever is reading this post now, I would appreciate it greatly if you would read at least one “chapter” of my story! http://www.quizilla.com/stories/12970119/you-got-me-up-against-the-wall (Blackbyrd, if you ever read my blog anymore I swear to you my username is not copying off of you. Since my name is Phoenixx a friend of mine nicknamed me Birdie. When I typed in my username I didn’t check over it and it came out as bydiebirdie. Stupid, I know, but if you ever do read my blog anymore I just wanted you to know.) I guess that’s it.

Song Of The Day – “Wonderwall” by Oasis http://ashleyrawr.tumblr.com/post/176496622/innocentandsweet-wonderwall-oasis


It was alright but I’m not saying I want to go back.

August 24, 2009

Okay, so the first day back at school wasn’t so bad. It was better than I expected it to be, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be different tomorrow or that I’ve stopped hating it. Honestly, the only thing I’m really worried about is PE, opening my locker, and getting to class on time.

English is my favorite subject. I love to write and read new and interesting things. My only problem? I am stuck with a shitty teacher. She is old, mean and moody. During the whole class we just sat in her room listening to her lecture us about what we can and can’t do. At one point she said, “I’m not gonna treat you like you’re dumb. I’m not going to come over to you and comfort you and say, ‘Oh, it’s okay little retard.'” I guess all I can do is hope for a better English teacher in high school.

Thankfully, I knew a group of people from my old school or people I had met at summer school. Even though I don’t want to call all of them friends, it is nice to see someone I at least remembered. I got a little turned around walking through the hallways but I managed to find my way around. I’ve got to admit, I was a little late to some of my classes due to a crappy combination lock.

I hope tomorrow is better and a get the swing of things. At least after the first week you would think. Today was really just and orientation; and I was handed a many “syllabus”. There wasn’t any homework other than to take home all my papers and get my parents to read over them and sign them. Actually, I do have to write a paragraph about how Project Lead The Way got its start, but that barely counts. — The only class I’m really worried about is PE. I usually do the exercises required but that doesn’t mean I like them. I’m just afraid of looking utterly stupid. That would be a bad feeling. I’m not too keen on embarrassment.

Surprisingly, I think my favorite teacher so far is the Science teacher. Holy guacamole, she is a bundle of energy! I guess that’s it. I hope tomorrow I can shake of the early morning jitters faster. (Did I mention I have to wake up at 6:00 AM and get to school by 7:00? Well, if I didn’t now you know!)


My eyes are tired, but I’ll stay awake for this last day of summer.

August 23, 2009

School starts tomorrow and I am still nervous. I have a headache right now. I’m trying to go without taking an Ibuprofen of Tylenol because I don’t want to get too dependant on them. I’m almost finished with “The Perks Of Being a Wallflower” and I love it. Yesterday I painted my nails with glittery nail polish. You can’t see anything other than the cleance Inside”ar coating and sparkles. When I think back to when I bought it, it was two days before Warped Tour. When I think about Warped Tour I think about how much I will soon be missing summer. I wish I could redo my summer and be more adventurous and do something really fun or meaningful, but I can’t. I suppose I shall just begin planning for next year.

I was listening to The Academy Is…’s album Fast Times At Barrington High this morning and thinking how much of a summer album it is. I was thinking about the song “Summer Hair = Forever Young” in particular (can you guess why?). I actually like the fall and winter much better than summer, but knowing that I don’t have school or homework to worry about the next day is always a nice feeling. I started singing it to my younger sister and decided I would just play it for all to hear. So I stuck the album into my sisters’ Hello Kitty CD player and listened to the whole album three times through.

The first time I sat in the kitchen and sang along in a whisper. The next time I played it while I was reading. The third time I listened to it during the car ride to the Ethnic Festival. (At the Ethnic Festival I came across some beautiful Kokeshi Dolls. I’ll post my pictures soon, but in the meantime you should read bout them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokeshi) It has been another one of those melancholy days.

Despite the fact I talked about The Academy Is… (and even wore my concert T-shirt today) in this post, the Song Of The Day is “Dance Inside” by The All-American Rejects. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VKkLKTnlu0


We’re screaming at the same moon.

August 20, 2009

Craig Owens’s screaming is calming me down right now. It’s keeping me in the clouds. His screaming does two things for me. Either I want to headbang to the sound of Chiodos’s music or I want to go to relax to it. Not that it’s boring, but that it calms me down and puts me in a mixture of reality and fiction. It’s like I could pretend I feel the same way as Craig did after his first love broke his heart (thus he wrote an album about her). Yet this time I feel more like the instrumental rather than the lyrics. It’s like when I was listening to Brand New’s Déjà Entendu record.

Press my face up against the glass
with both eyelids shut and
baby this won’t get any easier
baby this won’t get any easier
baby this won’t get any easier

I’ll lie on the dirty carpeting in my room (that can’t be fixed unless we were willing to pay for new wood floors) and breathe. I like taking deep breaths because it makes me feel a little better. It takes some of the frustration away. — I sound cheesy again. — When I push all the frustration back I feel like and old toy disguised as a new one.

It’s not a big deal. It has been three weeks since my last guitar lesson but I’m mad at myself. This is part of learning, but I am always angry at myself for not knowing what he might throw at me. School starts next week. I was supposed to read two non-fiction books from a list they sent me. I lost the list and didn’t read the books. I have to be tested on them. I guess I’m just looking for more stuff to mope about.

We all have our good days and our bad days, yesterday was a mixture of the two.

Song Of The Day – “No Hardcore Dancing In The Living Room” by Chiodos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJCX_Nit388

chiodos lyrics


I like secrets ’cause they keep me in line.

August 13, 2009

I wish I could play dead like Johnny Quid. Johnny knows a good RocknRolla is worth more as a dead man, so his record sales go up. Johnny is a clever junkie, but like any junkie, you can’t trust him. Why do I want to play dead? Simple, my summer is almost over and soon I’ll be heading to this unfamiliar new school. Wandering the halls mostly alone and probably keeping to myself most of the time.

I want to keep looking back to last Tuesday and thinking how quick a week goes by. Time is very frustrating. I have realized time almost always does the opposite of what you want it to do. I know school won’t be completely miserable, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m nervous like anyone else. I have my school supplies, some new clothes and a new pair of shoes (all black Authentic Vans to be exact), and my school books. Everything is set and I want to pretend like nothing is going on.

Yesterday was my school orientation. A woman in the office told me where to go to be assigned a locker and be given my books. It was overwhelming and I most likely blocked out what she was saying. “Where do we go?” my mom asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “I don’t know.” Why is it that whatever advice or direction someone gives me, it goes in one ear and right out the other? Oh right, because I’m in denial.

Sighing is nice. It feels like I’m releasing a bunch of toxins that had been in my lungs. I sigh often now. I am melodramatic and slightly hystrerical. What are ya gonna do?

Song Of The Day – “Finders Keepers” by You Me At Six http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J36je4NC4zo