So long, farewell.

April 6, 2010

 I am quite sad. I absolutely love Aaron Gillespie to death and since I do, I will support him in anything he chooses to do with his music. Though sadly, he is no longer going to be a part of Underoath. I love Underoath as a whole and so if any of members were to leave it wouldn’t feel complete, and Aaron was a big part of UO for me. UO have a way of capturing you, it’s like a hurricame of sound swallowing you up. And then Aaron comes in with his soothing voice. — That moment when I was backstage at Warped Tour during the song “It’s Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door” when Aaron slamed his drum sticks against the drum for that quick solo before he sings, I’m drowning in my sleep. I’m drowning in my sleep. The crowd became still for those few moments to sing along. That was the best moment of my entire life.

I do know Aaron is still playing music with The Almost. They are great but not greater than UO. No, definitely not greater than Underoath. I have met Aaron twice, at my first and only UO show and then at an Almost show. He is one of the nicest people. He writes and plays completely amazing music, but I will miss him in Underoath. I just don’t think it’s fair that I didn’t get another chance to see Aaron with Underoath, but I suppose it’s like Craig Ownes when he was booted from Chiodos. Though, this seems like a nicer departure that the group talked about. Not just a phone call.

p.s. I like your music. p.s. I’ll see you in my town soon! p.s. Aaron, I love you too. :)

Song of the Day – It\’s Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door by Underoath

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SPRING BREAK IS OVER

April 5, 2010

I feel as if I’m twisted inside out. I feel like I should wring out my skin. It’s awful.

Spring break finally came but now spring break has ended. My short escape from reality has ended. I hid away in my room for days reading Fight Club and the late nights watching Donnie Darko and waking up at 10am. Since we recently got Netflix I would go down to the basement to watch Skins, a TV series in the UK, on the computer and ended up finishing the whole first season in two days. I went on walks and enjoyed the warm weather. I felt the wind blow my hair across my face and had arguments with my younger siblings. My spring break sufficed.

Why do the getaways end so quickly when reality drones on? Cram packed with people you don’t care for and don’t want to see, school days with tests and shithead math teachers, and then you have to remember that you are really young and there is hardly anyone your age who likes the same bizzaro stuff as you so you want to avoid your so-called “friends”. You come home and do your homework, practically skip dinner because it’s the same thing every night, and then you go to bed only to wake up the next morning and repeat the same procedure. Yep, story of my life.

I suppose a little break is better than no break at all. I sat in my room and listened to my iPod on shuffle for a little while. The sun peaked through my black window curtain onto my notebooks paper. I watched the black ink of my pen new rollerball pen bleed through the paper. Writing meaningless words, but I liked the way the pen moved so easily across the paper. I suppose I should realize more of the little moments like that, but when that’s all you can think about to get yourself through the next day you start to wonder, what’s the point? I mean the point of any of this? What’s the point of getting an education, the point of getting a job, the point of getting a house, the point having a family, what’s the point of life? Then as you simplify everything you begin to realize there isn’t one. And all of this came from being upset that spring break is over.

Song of the Day – Death March on Two, Ready? by Envy On The Coast


“I haven’t smiled since the day you went away.”

March 10, 2010

Thank the gods for me listening to happy music because otherwise the nightmares might really throw a sucker-punch to my face. Let’s go back to the beginning.

Out of the blue, Monday night I had a bad nightmare. The type where you are so consumed by fear you want to crawl into a hole and die. In the first nightmare I was constantly trying to run away from a man who I somehow knew was a rapist. After a while I couldn’t find anything else to protect me. The fear was too great and all I wanted to do was kill it. I know this will sound really horrible, but I felt like if I killed myself the fear would go away and he wouldn’t be able to get me. The second nightmare was practically a new rendition of the last one. In the second nightmare, I dreamt that our friend wanted to go see a movie with me. She was coming to get me when the rapist got a hold of her. As Percy Jackson would say, I woke up with a start.

I used to hate sleeping because I felt it was a waste of time. I have always had the worst dreams; dreams involving zombies and kidnappers, most everything I fear. For a while I stopped dreaming. I had completely forgotten what it was like to wake from a nightmare either in a cold sweat or shaking. Now I remember and I never want to sleep.

Song of the Day – Distant Heart by Mindy White (it’s a youtube click through link)


I am floating away

November 1, 2009

Goodbye Halloween. I was once excited to go trick-or-treating with my family. We used to practically power trick-or-treat, running from house to house. I always had a cool costume, too. Then when I got older I felt stupid going trick-or-treating with my family. Last year I went with a couple friends, but this year, this month has been rough.

I attempted to dress as Alex Gaskarth. It didn’t really work because his wardrobe is so similar to my usual wardrobe, but I did wear Nike high-tops and an over-sized beanie, but I couldn’t get the eyebrows right. Halloween just passed by this year. It didn’t matter to me, I was just shuffling my feet along the sidewalk with my parents. When we got home I didn’t even bother to put a movie in the DVD player. I went to bed and watched That 70’s Show like any other night.

Goodbye Halloween. I am sorry I have floated away from you but you’re just like everything else. I am just floating away.

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#Versaemerge%20clocks


We like Paul Griffiths

September 18, 2009

I have news! Oh, I’m so excited even though it isn’t much. In my last blog post I told you about the girl who I share similarities with, right? Well, my friend Antoinette introduced me to her! Even though we haven’t spoken much, I would love, love, love it if I could be considered one of her close friends eventually. I have this plan in my head that I will go to the All Time Low concert with her in November.

I asked her about her Babycakes shirt one morning. Then I asked if she met the Babycakes guy at Warped Tour and she said, “Oh you mean Paul Griffiths? No, I wish. I bought that shirt at Warped Tour.” Then I told her I was there and gushed how cute Paul Griffiths is. As we made our way to her locker I asked who her favorite band she saw at Warped was and guess what she said… ALL TIME LOW!! You don’t even now how excited I was then and there! (Gosh, I haven’t typed this many exclamation points in such a long time. Nor have been this excited about a new friend.)

I wrote my first Science Current Event article yesterday which I turned in today. I feel pretty proud of it. It’s about how black patients seem less likely to survive cardiac arrest than white patients. I also finished my geography “exam” today.

I have so much new music to share with you, but I guess I will save some of it. First of all, I was listening to old You Me At Six demo songs on YouTube and I think I like their old sound better. Listen to “Promise, Promise” compared to “Finders Keepers”. They have changed immensely. Secondly, I like a guy who calls himself Owl City. I get to go to one of his free shows in October. Lastly, I finally bought All Time Low’s new album, Nothing Personal Wednesday night when I was supposed to be doing my homework. Oh well, music is better. Wait – one last thing. I have enough money to go see The Used and Brand New! I should celebrate. All of this makes me wonder if anyone has noticed my mood change.

Song Of The Day – “Lights Out” by Santigold http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwNkuw-YTVo


My eyes are tired, but I’ll stay awake for this last day of summer.

August 23, 2009

School starts tomorrow and I am still nervous. I have a headache right now. I’m trying to go without taking an Ibuprofen of Tylenol because I don’t want to get too dependant on them. I’m almost finished with “The Perks Of Being a Wallflower” and I love it. Yesterday I painted my nails with glittery nail polish. You can’t see anything other than the cleance Inside”ar coating and sparkles. When I think back to when I bought it, it was two days before Warped Tour. When I think about Warped Tour I think about how much I will soon be missing summer. I wish I could redo my summer and be more adventurous and do something really fun or meaningful, but I can’t. I suppose I shall just begin planning for next year.

I was listening to The Academy Is…’s album Fast Times At Barrington High this morning and thinking how much of a summer album it is. I was thinking about the song “Summer Hair = Forever Young” in particular (can you guess why?). I actually like the fall and winter much better than summer, but knowing that I don’t have school or homework to worry about the next day is always a nice feeling. I started singing it to my younger sister and decided I would just play it for all to hear. So I stuck the album into my sisters’ Hello Kitty CD player and listened to the whole album three times through.

The first time I sat in the kitchen and sang along in a whisper. The next time I played it while I was reading. The third time I listened to it during the car ride to the Ethnic Festival. (At the Ethnic Festival I came across some beautiful Kokeshi Dolls. I’ll post my pictures soon, but in the meantime you should read bout them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kokeshi) It has been another one of those melancholy days.

Despite the fact I talked about The Academy Is… (and even wore my concert T-shirt today) in this post, the Song Of The Day is “Dance Inside” by The All-American Rejects. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VKkLKTnlu0


We’re screaming at the same moon.

August 20, 2009

Craig Owens’s screaming is calming me down right now. It’s keeping me in the clouds. His screaming does two things for me. Either I want to headbang to the sound of Chiodos’s music or I want to go to relax to it. Not that it’s boring, but that it calms me down and puts me in a mixture of reality and fiction. It’s like I could pretend I feel the same way as Craig did after his first love broke his heart (thus he wrote an album about her). Yet this time I feel more like the instrumental rather than the lyrics. It’s like when I was listening to Brand New’s Déjà Entendu record.

Press my face up against the glass
with both eyelids shut and
baby this won’t get any easier
baby this won’t get any easier
baby this won’t get any easier

I’ll lie on the dirty carpeting in my room (that can’t be fixed unless we were willing to pay for new wood floors) and breathe. I like taking deep breaths because it makes me feel a little better. It takes some of the frustration away. — I sound cheesy again. — When I push all the frustration back I feel like and old toy disguised as a new one.

It’s not a big deal. It has been three weeks since my last guitar lesson but I’m mad at myself. This is part of learning, but I am always angry at myself for not knowing what he might throw at me. School starts next week. I was supposed to read two non-fiction books from a list they sent me. I lost the list and didn’t read the books. I have to be tested on them. I guess I’m just looking for more stuff to mope about.

We all have our good days and our bad days, yesterday was a mixture of the two.

Song Of The Day – “No Hardcore Dancing In The Living Room” by Chiodos http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJCX_Nit388

chiodos lyrics