Looking For Alaska

December 29, 2009

Looking For Alaska by John Green

An ordinary (despite his love for famous last words) Floridan boy, Miles “Pudge” Halter is searching for his own Great Perhaps. So Pudge decides to enter the world that is Culver Creek Boarding School. – An almost-cliché, half-battle between the Weekday Warriors and the scholarship kids, made up solely of pranks. – His Great Perhaps begins not long after he meets Alaska Young, the most gorgeous, clever, self-destructive girl he has ever known. Alaska tugs his hand to follow her into her life of adventures and Pudge falls hopelessly in love with her.

The writing style of this novel is effortlessly brilliant and thoughtful. – As Brighten’s album King Vs. Queen played quietly as a soundtrack for the book throughout my entire reading session. – I was Pudge smoking down at the smoking hole, looking off at Alaska. I was Pudge running from the Eagle after he and Takumi had set off the pre-prank firecrackers. I was Pudge lying on the hay buried ground drinking Strawberry Hill wine and feeling warm. And so I was literally Pudge sobbing after the death of Alaska.

Alaska was the real world of Culver Creek. You were always looking for her, and you found her. She was just another terrified, screwed-up human being with confused emotions. In a sense I reached enlightenment on the subject of Alaska’s death. I couldn’t have written a better ending. Some books give closure yet still leave you wondering. With Looking For Alaska there is no need for wondering and it ends nicely.

I now seek to find my own Great Perhaps. Though I am not a religious person, I now also seek to reach complete and total enlightenment.

I’m sinking like a stone in the sea.

June 6, 2009


I keep taking deep breaths because it feels like forgot how to breathe. I breathe too slow or to quick; not taking in enough oxygen or too much air. During the school year my little brother would breathe through his mouth heavily. Sometimes he would cry at night and I didn’t know why. It annoyed me terribly and I kept trying to explain to him why he didn’t need to breathe that way. Now I know the feeling. All of the sudden in the middle of the day I think, I don’t know what to do. You are probably thinking, About what? Well, I don’t know either. I just feel so utterly overwhelmed by everything. It’s summer time, right? I shouldn’t bother having to feel this way, but I do. And I am scared. I don’t know what will happen in a few hours or even a few days. Nobody really does. I mean, you might have a few events mapped out, but you don’t know what those moments of the day will feel like.

I went to my mother for advice and what she said was, “Just go and babysit. Once when you get home you can figure out what to do next.” I liked this idea, but this is all new for me. I’m used to planning out my day and setting goals, whether I realized it or not. This unpredictable schedule is throwing me off a bit. Today, I don’t want this day to slip away from me like all the other days do. Wasted and chasing time. Please time, stand still for only a day or two.

Brand New’s album Deja Entendu feels like my soundtrack. The events probably don’t quite match up, but the instrumentals capture my mood. In some songs Jesse Lacey almost whispers and I turn up my volume to savor his words. Especially in “Tautou”, which is one of my favorites though it’s only a minute and a half long.

I want to make this day last, but I don’t seem to know how. All I know is that I don’t want Monday to come. Please, not yet. If everyday was Saturday then I’d be fine with that. I’m still confused why I’m scared of what is next to come….